This is Life: Through the eyes of Shogun

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2006-09-07T16:20:00.000+12:00

This week is going so slowly...
I'm sorry to you people that I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy, And I've not known what to say.

This week has been very emotional for me, but fortunately, not in a bad way.

UNfortunately I can't reveal the exact details of this until it's absolutely official.

Exams next week.

FUN.

Mufti day tomorrow.

FUN.

dasfgsdhdyjfk

2006-09-03T22:17:00.000+12:00

Today me and Mrs Ap went to city. We met up with Sabina from myspace and her friend Amber. We went shopping, and I got some new skinny jeans from Supré, and a jumper from Farmers. Then amber had to go... So it was me, Mrs Ap and Sabina, and we went up and down Queen street, then we met with David grrr and we went up to real groovey, then we met up with some of David's friends, and then we went off again, and Ughm, I forget, then we went home, it was fun.

REALLY WANT DAVID.

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2006-09-02T21:05:00.000+12:00

Forgot to post Thursday.

Friday was blah. Went to epic again. Was blah. people like my hair.I met some people from Myspace, and they were texting me through the christiany stuff... Met Mr. D, didn't know what to say to him though.

Satruday today. Went to my birthday party. We had cake, singstar, movies. fun.

Found out Mr. D isn't even bi. I was lied to.

Frantically trying to organise towning tomorrow.

Bus leaves here at 8:55.

Arrive in city at 10, so far like one person said they're coming...

I'm really upset right now, so I'm blasting my ears with loud music.

I get so jealous.

2006-08-30T20:25:00.000+12:00

Hey all.

Uhm, I can't really remember what happened today...

At lunch time my band went to the music room to sign up for this band acadamy that they're having next year. We'd get free recording of CDs and we'd learn about gigs and how to do things etc. It's run by this guy from The Rabble. Mmmm... The lady said we have to be taking Music next year, hahaha~ And she's letting me do level 3 Music even though I didn't do level 1 or 2... I have to major in Singing most likely.. or Piano or Bass...

After school we changed our subjects for next year and walked home. I had a bass lesson at Mrs Ap's house, and she gave me homework and stuff, and then we took her bass over here, and now she lives here. Her name is Daisy. Daisy is a cow. She's too fat. And Old. But I still like to play her. hahahahaha~.

Going towning on SUNDAY. Anyone want to come just email or message me or something.

go away.

2006-08-29T20:59:00.000+12:00

Today was... Sad.. I feel like it's forever away until Friday...

My hair is starting to look cool! I can't wait until it's even longerer, and I can dye it black and I can get my new clothes and take BAND PICTURES!

*sigh*

Went to Orewa after school. Bought a card and some chocolate for my dad's father's day present. We had sushi, and talked to the pet shop lady, hahahaha~ it's like we're friends with her now, we've been there like twice whewn she's there and talked to her, she seems the type who know nothing about pets, and is just working there for the sake of it, hahahaha~.

I've been trying t find some black eyeshadow, but I can't find any!!! So annoying... hahaha~...

Not really laughing.

Saw one of the Mr. Ds on the way home, and I got a hug, and I go to prod his yummily hard abs. Then we went past Centerstage and he was sitting in there, and I got three more hugs, and more prodding time. I saw a girl I used to know, and she didn't recognise me, then Mr. D told her who I am, and she was like "OMG!!!" then she walked up to me: "Are you wearing makeup? You're wearing makeup!!!!" and moved my fringe and I said "OMG! You're not wearing makeup!!"...

Then we started walking home... I was getting really upset, and I was walking ahead of Mrs. Ap, then I found a picnic table, and cried. Mrs Ap came up and gave me a massage. I didn't say anything. She didn't say anything. I walked off, we walked in silence for a while.

I'm hoping all this will end soon. I'm sick of this stupid feeling. Maybe I'd have been better if I hadn't seen Mr D,I probably would have been... But I like it so much, being held n his arms, I want it. I want that feeling.

On Friday I'm going to Epic. I'm going to talk to Mr D, and I'm going to see if we click. I'm really hoping we do.

Stupid Blogger.

2006-08-28T15:59:00.000+12:00

And so Blogger's been an ass and hasn't let me get on for a couple of days...

So Friday night I went to Epic. I was quite scared... The guy at the door of the bus was nice, he shook my hand. The bus ride was really long... And it was darkish when we arrived at the epic place in the city. We got out and we had to fill out some form.... then we got in. There were quite a lot of emo people so it was good. But there were also a lot of gangsters, so me and Mrs J were scared. We just stood around talking to each other, then we noticed people going inside, and so we went in too... We had to sit down... UGH, Christian people talk and sing for like an hour... We stood in the corner singing to the songs badly, the words were up on screens...

After that we went back outside, and more hanging out, food, Mrs H getting dissed by gangsters. Mrs H went to talk to Mr D for me, but he was upset about something, and didn't want to talk... So then I was upset for the rest of the night...

Saturday I was still very much upset. Cried myself to "sleep" night before, say that because I didn't sleep very much at all.

Birthday on Saturday. Didn't even feel like my birthday... Envelope on top of a small present on the Dining table.

Envelope=$100. Present=Entire first season of the muppet show. 4 DVDs.

Mrs Ap took me to Asahi for lunch.

Parents took me to Hayami for dinner. Brother "bailed" after we'd ordered drinks.

Went to Mrs S's party afterwards. I went as Emo Puss In Boots. Forgot my sword... It felt really weird going to someone elses birthday party... Mmm... We had to vote for who we thought had the best costume. I clearly had the best costume, but everyone thought eveyone would vote for me, so voted for this random Asian guy in a cheap knight's thingy. So no one voted for me. >___>

Left my Umbrella there...

hmm..

Sunday felt terrible still... Mrs H said she told Mr D about me, but wouldn't tell me what she said. Frustrating.

Well today Mrs H said she told him about me, and she said "You two should go out, so we can take pictures!" and he said "okay". So... hmmm... Yah. He's going to talk to me this Friday. Shouldn't keep my hopes up.

Today I got some more presents. Mrs J gave me lossa stuff, some gloves that are black with skeleton thing you know? Yep, and two $10 sounds voutures, and this boxing bag thingy and gloves, with spiderman in it and it says "SPIDER-MAN Bocing king spider-man 11" HAHAHAHAHA~, Engrish rocks. Mr K got me Black Sesame seeds and a d-camera magazine, Mrs Y gave me a DVD her mum recorded off the TV in Japan. Hmm... that's it I think... No hair dye!!!!!!!! hahahaha~.

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2006-08-24T21:36:00.000+12:00

WOO! Mrs J from myspace hung out with us today. mmm...

that's it...

OH, My English teacher said my essay answer was excelent, and he had to keep checking my name, and blah blah, but I don't think he's serious.

Tomorrow is Epic.

Lalalalala~ Die You hateful freaks.

2006-08-23T21:12:00.000+12:00

Yesterday when I got home from school I had to re-do my drama assignment. She said that I didnt use enough detail and stuff, So I spent until like midnight writing this stupid thing. It was four pages long, and two pages on one answer. UGH.

This morning I didn't eat breakfast. Not Hungry. Walked to school feeling really terrible, and I may have said some things about wanting to hurt myself.

Japanese we had a reliever, and we went to the computer room, and I went on myspace and it was fun.

Omgosh, I really don't want to write this for some reason...

Chemistry I wanted to die. So boring.

English we had Exam thingy, had tom write essay for To Kill a Mockingbird, I think I got NA, I didn't know what to write.

Lunch I sat on Mrs H's knee.

Didn't eat anything until end of lunch time. Natural Nut Bar.

Drama I gave in my assignment. Teacher said "Why don't you write like this all the time?"

Went to Orewa After school. Because of how hateful my school is getting, I'm too afraid to go anywhere by myself anymore, so I had to get some friends to walk with me.

Yesterday Leon's card and present arrived, it was a $25 money order thingy.

I went to BNZ (my bank.), they told me to go to ANZ, then I waited for ages when the lady came back she told me to go back to BNZ, went back to BNZ, and they put the money in my account, but told me it'd take up to 5 working days to actually be put in there.

Bought one birthday present. Still have two more birthday presents to buy, and a fathers day present.

Friday I'm going to Epic with my friends, Mrs H is hooking me up with her ex, I hope he likes me.

When I got home I went in my room and smelled burning. Hahaha~ I forgot to pull out my hair striaghtener, It was on all day. If it was touching some paper or something, my house would have burned down.

I feel terrible now.

I don't want to do anything. I just want to get away from this place.

I'm sick of how hateful my school is. I'm sick of how hateful my brother is.

Die.

x

PS:

Mrs Be wrote this in her Bebo thing:

you all need to read this, EVERY FREEKIN LAST ONE OF YOU!!! 1 hour ago

Hey Dicks
yes thats right, you're all ass holes!!! (except a select few)
My friend had to cancle his account on
this site because YOU BASTERDS ARE ANTI-EMO!!!
let me tell you this, you bitches dont need to go
around calling other people names like bloody children
and bring their self esteem down just coz you're BASTERDS
and dont have a life of your own. As if life isn't freekin hard
enough already without you dicks around. you dont go round
discriminating people because of how they act or what they look
like coz i'll tell you now you wont get far in life, i'll make
sure of that. i HATE people are so bloody narrow minded they
cant see past their own FAT head. if i ever meet any of you bloody
basterds that made Bryce's life a misery, God help me...no, God help YOU!!!
as you can tell im just a bit more than a little pissed at you wankers who
think its alright to give my friends crap. I WILL BLOODY SMASH YOU!!! and
if anyone thinks im BLOODY joking COME AND TRY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!
that is all.....Basterds

five days.

2006-08-21T20:30:00.000+12:00

I didn't post yesterday apparently. I don't remember what I did. Oh. Went to Mrs Ap's to do homework. Then she went to work. Then later on I went to the city with my dad to pick up my mum then we went home.

Yah. Today I spent like 30 minutes on my hair, gosh.

Exams in like three weeks.

Birthday in five days.

It's raining. I hope it's not tomorrow because we have corss country first period and I'm walking it with my friends.

I don't feel good, so I dunno what else to write.

sdadfgafggjkyukb btyttttytytytty

2006-08-19T21:49:00.000+12:00

rstgjhjdfhdhgdyingreallydoesseemlikehtebestthingtodo.

2006-08-18T18:43:00.000+12:00

Yesterday Mrs Ap came over to do homework with me, so I didn't get any time to post.

After school I had a piano lesson wth Mrs Ap. I'm soo bad, but apparently I'm not really. hahaha~... I think I'll be better at bass than piano.

I feel like shite, so I don't want to write much else.

Uh, tomorrow Mrs s And Mrs ap are going to cut my hair, woo... >___>

that's it.

fsaastshhjfjkdgkjfhwhat'sthepoint?

2006-08-16T20:47:00.000+12:00

Uhm.. Not feeling too happy today... People are just people... UGH, I feel lonely again... I know I have friends. I actually have friends who actually care about me... And yet I still feel lonely...

I named the song I wrote yesterday, it's called "There are merely a million reasons why I hate you"... then after school while I was sitting in Concert band again I wrote another one... called.. "The Animals and the trees (Forbidden Love)"... The first one is about physical and phsycological pain from my sibling... but the second one is from the emotional pain from forbidden love...

So Yesterday, No, Monday, Mrs Ap gave me a new badge, wooo~ it's one with all the guitars around it, and the other one I have is the amnesty badge. Uhm, So after school I sat in concert band again, next to Mrs K playing the piano... wrote the song... After that went back to Mrs Ap's house, and got a short lesson for bass... MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT ARRIVED FROM MRS AP!!! hahaha~ Tegan and Sara- So Jelous. AUSOMEST SINGERERS IN DEH WORLD. hahaha~ I love listening to them... except I feel really sad/lonely/wanting aboyfriend right now. UGH. DIE.

>___> Yes I actually want to die. Just didn't say.

2006-08-15T20:53:00.000+12:00

Sorry I haven't posted, busy and depressed gets in the way, hahaha~.

Saturday me and Mrs Ap went to Orewa for Asahi, we both had Bento! Mrs Ap Bought me green eyeliner from the $2 shop, and a fencing-like sword for my costume.

After, in the evining that is, I went to her Church, then we went to Torbay for this "Diowhodoneit?" game evening thingy, soo much fun, this guy died, and we had to interview all these people to see if we could figure it out, and as reporters we had to write an article explaining our findings. My group lost, but because we were the first ones to hand in our report, we got a prize for being most prompt.

Sunday.... hmmm.... Oh... I didn't really do anything, we went up to Hellinsville to visit friends, and blah. Me and my friend and his girlfriend went to bakery and this guy who looked like a biker-gang member guy said my hair is cool.

Yesterday (moonday) after school me, mrs ap and mrs s went to Orewa and walked about a bit... mmmm Oh and I sat in their concert band rehersal... I sat with Mrs K at the piano...

Today after school I had my first Bass Guitar lesson with Mrs Ap, It's so much fun, I want a bass!!! Well I might get one from Mrs Ap if her parents buy her a new one! WOO!. hahaha~

OH, I'm the lead singer of a band now! The band is called Manorax, and is me, Mrs Ap, Mrs S, and Mrs H. Today in Chem I wrote a song, it's really sad, it about how my brother ruined my life.

Yeah genre=emo/rock/punk

After my birthday and I have new clothes and new hair dye we gonna get Mrs B to take our band photos! WOOO!

relaxation is the key to the soul.

2006-08-11T21:49:00.000+12:00

Wore thicker eyeliner today. No teachers seem to really care. So maybe I'll just keep doing it. Only students notice/care, But I don't care what they think, to them I'm just another emo kid.

In Media I burnt our movie to DVD, I might try put it on here sometime and upload... I have to pay $1 for the disk sometime.

I really like my English teacher, he's soo cool. hahaha~ I don't want my old teacher to come back next term.

Mrs A Didn't come to school today, But She walked her dog down and met me after school and walked home with me. We watched the rest of Napoleon Dynamite, it's not as bad a movie as everyone makes it out to be, it's even slightly funny.

I'm sick of my cold.

I've concluded it's bad because of stress.

When I'm relaxed and controlled, I don't cough as much, When Mrs A massages my shouldors I relax, and I don't cough as much. Love them massages.

Oh, She brought me a top up for my phone for my birthday because the CD she bought me won't arrive until like 6th September. (TEGAN AND SARA - SO JELOUS!!!)

So yeah, not feeling too happy right now.

Tomorrow Mrs A is taking me to Asahi for lunch, and in the evening we're going to some "whodoneit" night thingy, where you sold mysteries and stuff, funness! hahaha~

bye...

Dynamite.

2006-08-10T21:30:00.000+12:00

I've realised that I seem to have sorted out a lot of my previous problems. I'm not actually sure which ones those are, but I don't seem to be as scared of every day life as I used to, and I don't feel as if I have so much on my shoulders anymore. Somehow I am talking to Mrs G again, just as if we were never not friends.

I feel accepted as a person.

I'm not embarrased to tell people of my sexuality anymore.

My family seem to have accepted me.

I'm making more and more friends, and keeping them.

I feel the friends I'm making actually care about me. Well most of them, but the others I try not to get me down too much.

Gosh how I've grown.

Today was alright. Yep. Mrs A came home with me and we watched Napoleon Dynamite until she had to leave. Gosh it is such a weird movie so far. Not much happens, and some of the camera shots are waay too long, like, longer than they're really supposed to be..

PUSS IN BOOTS.

2006-08-09T21:07:00.000+12:00

Heyy~

Gosh, have I really not posted for three days?

Well, Monday's show went well. Mum and dad saw it then, Their favourite part was the Officer Krupke song. Afterwards I felt really depressed, like I'd done something pathetically wrong.... but I don't think I did.

Yesterday's one was the very best we've ever done. And we also had the best audience. They cheered, laughed, clapped, and it went really well. Everyone seems to really love my character, and me me me, gosh. UGH. *angry face*. Hmmm... I forgot a line... Just one little one, apparently there was an awkward silence on stage when I was supposed to say it, but you know, I don't remember that silence. It's as if I fell asleep on stage with my eyes open. In the first scene's fight, Action got kneed in the face and got a blood nose. As I was singing the Jets' song, I noticed blood on the stage.

After the show finished, I got into my emo clothes, wooo, and removed my make up, and Zane took me, Chloe, Paul and Ellie to Mel's dad's garage in Red Beach for the aftercast party.

It was actually really fun. Because a lot of the people there weren't really our kind of people, we mainly sat on the chairs, and talked and walked around talking etc. Often I'd sit on someone, then we'd end up piling five other people on top of eachother. hahahahaha~ So funny. Everyone was pretty stingey when it came to alcohol, So I ended up only taking sips from a lot of differnt people's drinks. Grace bought a four pack of vodka cruisers, and was very drunk after the first two: "Grace can I've a bottle?" "NOOOO, I'VE ONLY GOT TWO LEFT!!!" then later on, she came up to us, dancing madly and very hyperly, and I asked again: "NOOO!!!! I'VE ONLY GOT ONE LEFT!!!!" Gosh she was funny. Ross saw her today and apparently she didn't look very happy at all. At times me, Sabina and April broke into song when all people were dancing to crappy music: "WHEN YOU'RE A JET, YOU'RE A JET ALL THE WAY, FROM YOUR FIRST CIGARETTE 'TILL YOUR LAST DYING DAY!!!" hahahaha~.

Sabina has invited me to her birthday party, Her birthday is on the 23rd of August, and her party, surprisingly, is on my birthday, the 26th. It's a fairytale character party, so we have to dress up, I'm going as puss in boots (EMO PUSS IN BOOTS!!!).

Oh, at the party these two guys saw me, (with my emo fringe etc.) and they were surprised, because apparently I'm hardcore emo, and here I was playing baby john in the school play, hahaha~ they were pretty funny.

So April's mum said we had to go home at 12, so She picked us up then, and I got home at about 12:15am, and I went into shower straigt away, washed my hair, etc. Then I went to bed. hmmm. 1:00 went. staring into space. 1:30 went, trying to make myself fall asleep. 2:00 went, bored of trying to fall asleep. 2:30 get hungry, go upstairs to get some water and a cookie. Gosh. Back to bed, I think I got about 3 hours sleep.

hahahaha~ So today was weird... I started getting tired in the middle of the day I think. hahaha~ Second period I had a Japanese conversation exam second period that I didn't study for, that I pretty much flagged with lots of nothingmness, I prolly failed, she said I might get achieved. She pretty much let me off for not preparing because of the show, hahahaha~ She said she knew I had no time to do anything because of it, and this is true. hahaha~.

Anyways, so I'm really sick of my stupid cold. I keep coughing and needing to blow my nose.

I forget what else I want to say. Night.
hahahaha~ Lots of people were drinking pulse, an engergy drink with vodka, and so I had a lot of that, and so I was wiiiide awake. I woke up at exactly 6:30am, wide awake. hahahaha~ For some reason my alarm was off, even though I turned it on.

Mood: Blank

2006-08-06T21:36:00.000+12:00

Show went okay today. I keep feeling like it should be better.

UGH.. I dunno.

Today... I don't even remember today...

I'm going to the After Cast Party After the show on Tuesday. hah. Show finishes at like 10:30 or somthing, and we don't get a day off school. So I'm going on wednesday, even if it does mean hang over.

Photos. YEEEESSS.

2006-08-05T19:40:00.000+12:00

TODAY:
Sign for Becca
Me
Me
Me
School:
Me and Vanessa listening to moosic
Waiting for the door to open in the morning
Still waiting.. Aleisha eating...
My white face
Hahaha~ Aleisha eating.
And Still Waiting
In the Centerstage Dressing rooms:
Ashley and his cool new hat
Gracie and Owen
Sergent Schrank Baby John and Officer Krupke (Ashley, me, Jesse)
Backstage girl (AKA Chloe)
Make-up in the mens area
hmmm.. glad hand...
Doesn't he look like a gladhand?
Ashley taking photos in mens changing rooms
Toni going WAAAA
Grace puting maskara on Joel (A-Rab)
He feels pretty
Waaaam don't take phots of me!
Anybodys (Aimee)
Backstage walkway-sittingplace-changingrooms-kitchen
Three of my five wifes. Sabina, Hazel-nut, and Steph
Whaaa, lossa peoples. My three wifey at the front then, Mel, Nadine, Action (Gary) and That girl.
Two people. Yes. That guy wore the skinny jeans. mmmmmm.
Aww, this is my Dannielle.
Officer Krupke (Jesse)

Today I did nothing. WOOO!. Tomorrow is show at 3 or something. yah. see you.

Ichmahlur.

2006-08-04T22:39:00.000+12:00

Haven't posted for a couple of days.

Last nights' show went quite well. Everything I thought went quite perfect, except for one scene. The last Doc's scene we had A-Rab didn't come on, and we didn't really know what to do because he had lines and stuff... we ended up repeating some of his lines a few times, and it went so horribly, that made me feel so depressed afterwards... then I was snappy at everyone, and I was sick of smiling on stage, and trying to be all happy, it's just not working.

Afterwards were foods and stuff, and my friends were there and they couldn't hear me sing, so apparently my mic wasn't working again. ich.

Tonight was a lot better, It went really really well, even the scenes I thought were good last night went a lot better tonight.

The fight scenes are soo much fun, and They get more and more violent every night. hahahaha~ Tonight I was pushed harly against the fence, then thrown on the ground by someone else, I was kicked, I was strangled while being held down by someone else. I have bruises on both my arms, soo sore..

Free day tomorrow, horray. I get to sleep in. Woahness. Mum promiced to buy me a new school bag if I come up to the Warehouse tomorrow. Woo.

I'll prolly need to buy new dye soon thanks to me needing to wash my hair every night to get out the masses of gel and hair spray. hahahaha~

I have photos, I'll upload them tomorrow.

Love yah all~ byebye.

die. UGH. no. Yes. NO. blah. Blueberry pie.

2006-08-02T22:28:00.000+12:00

Forgot to mention last night, I had to jump over the fence on stage, and I copied how A-Rab did it, one foot on the side, then push off, and I landed on my feet, then went back on my ass and my hand, very, very sore.

Today was UGH. I'm getting so exchausted because of the play.

I don't even really remember what happened, and I really can't stay long to type it all out.

Aaza, the reason I've not been on is because of rehersals every day after school until late. So I don't really get much time on the computer. I shall be busy like this until next Tuesday. Since we're opening tomorrow I may not post until Saturday because show will end at like 10:30 or something.

I took some photos before I did my hair and make up today, but forgot after that, I was rushing around doing stuff so much. I hardly even get to sit down.

Everything, in my opinion went badly. Lines in the song forgotten, ques were forgotten. I mean, we were supposed to go on to the dance scene, and we were so late, the music was already starting when we were goin on stage, so terrible. Officer KJrupke song went badly, stupid conducter started the song before we'd even gotten on stage, so we didn't get to say our lines, and we had to just start singing.

I felt like a fool.

My face looked like a girl, the stupid lady did my eyebrows so perfectly, they looked like I pluck them. I decided to do my own eyeliner, beause I didn't want to look like the other stupid people who got the ladies to do it for them. But we had to do the top as well, which is so hard, so I did one eye and went badly (first time I've ever done the top) and then Mr A did my other eye.

Hair finally went okay, I sprayed it so many times it actually went hard and stayed how it was supposed to, and it didn't even get that messed in the rumble.

Director still worried about us getting hurt in the fight scenes though. I find it very funny.

Aaza, it really depends on where you buy them. I got mine from Jay Jays for $39, but the ones at Just Jeans were $89. You can get ones from trademe for really cheap though.

I feel like shit. I'm sick of pretending to smile so much, I bet it looks really fake. >___>

bye.

Birthday soon. yeeep.

2006-08-01T21:04:00.000+12:00

Today I was genereally upset. The whoe day feeling so stupid. Then thinking about that guy. UGH.

So tired right now.

Rehersal tonight went well. No gel or make up, I had to clip up my hair with 'bobby pins' so it wasn't in my face, it looked terrible, really did.

Tomorrow rehersal from 5:30 until 9:30. We'll have an actual full orchestra, and microphones, and an audience. hahaha~ Year nine English students studying Romeo and Juliet and ther parents and other people.

Remember this?

Birthday ideas: http://www.bandmerch.com/java2/BandMerch/clandestine/index.jsp?category=6 (Hint, belt, Black and Pink tie, Pink and white tie, buttons~)
http://store.fueledbyramen.com/default.asp is also a nice place to looky~ hahahaha~

LALALALALA~ AUGUST 26TH~~ Skinny jean (size 9!) and XS or S or XXS tops are good too ^___^ OOO, and S-M size girl hoodie zip at front.

I love you. Buy me stuff.

2006-07-31T20:25:00.000+12:00

Okay so rehersal after shcool, and iWe had to wear make up and put stuff in my hair, but I forgot my camera so no pictures.

This guy was wearing this girl's skinny jeans, HOTNESS. SEEING THINGS.

I looked like elvis, and people noticed I have side burns. hahaha~

I WANT SMALLER SKINNY JEANS >___________<

Buy me for birthday. (size 9 - black)

THANK YOU.

Bye.

OMGOSH, I might be seeing Panic! at the disco in October when they come here. Buying a ticket off my brother, or making him give me one for my birthday.

sdffffffffsghhjddfghfjhhjkzfgfgh

2006-07-30T22:09:00.000+12:00

Sorry my posts haven't been very interesting lately, I haven't been feeling up to writing a whole lot.

Today I had a rehersal for west side, the full orchestra was there, well they soon arrived, like halfway through our run though, and still some missing, anyways, the ones where most were there for it sounded good.

Long day. I'm tired. Dress rehersals monday, tuesday and wednesday, and like four or five exams this week, sucky. I want to die.

bed time.

2006-07-29T23:16:00.000+12:00

I didn't really do anything at all today. didn't even go to the warehouse because dad was watching the rugby. made muffins, yummy. that's my post for today, wooo!

Over - Ayumi Hamasaki

2006-07-29T23:10:00.000+12:00

Over - Written and sung by Ayumi Hamasaki, read as you listen

I still remember your profile
When you were about to say something on that day
I'm sorry
For not having heard you out

I honestly love you
I didn't have a little more courage

And hid my tears
Though I knew
We would never be as we were
I parted from you waving my hand and saying "See you again"
I parted from you as usual

It is easier than we think
To let go of each other's hand
But it is difficult
To join hands again, isn't it?

I can't smile without you
I could not say just one word

The wind is cold
I'm in tears now
Now I know it's not me alone
Who feel the coldness
But seems too late

What is getting little by little farther by the distance?
Do I forget little by little as time passes by?
It's over

It was a treasure, wasn't it?
I wished to protect it more than anything else

The wind is cold
I'm in tears now
Now I know it's not me alone
Who feel the coldness
But seems too late

What is getting little by little farther by the distance?
Do I forget little by little as time passes by?

Good-bye, you never fade in my memory
I didn't even say good-bye to you clearly
It's over

>______>. fu.

2006-07-28T22:34:00.000+12:00

Today was quite productive. Spent the whole day rehersing for West Side, our show is there. I can't wait until we open.

Though, as my feelings go, today was really depressing. Mr R is so irrisistably sexy, and I can't stop prodding his hard abs, and giving him hugs. Though I did get two hugs from him at lunch for buying an amnesty international badge, and signing his petition for some lady who got shot for speaking out about human rights. But I'm really annoyed because he has a girlfriend, and I'll never ever ever get a guy like him, ever. I just want someone to hold, and to hug, and to love, and to love me back. Gosh I'm so pathetic. I always almost cry in the last scene because he stands right behind me and I just want to turn around and embrace him.

UGH.

I don't want to write anymore because this is making me feel like total shit. DIE. fuck you stupid sdfasdaskdfh life.

SURREAL - Ayumi Hamasaki. Read Lyrics.

2006-07-28T17:03:00.000+12:00

SURREAL - Written and sung by Ayumi Hamasaki

Choosing only the things you like
isn't irresponsible.
If you can't find anything you like
then why accept the responsibility?
I take only the possibilities that I'm ready to accept.

If it's something you don't need then
compassion is of no use at all.
If it's something important then
pain will probably accompany it.
Loneliness that you feel together is worse
than a loneliness that you feel
by yourself.

No matter what loneliness comes,
no matter what pain you feel,
you mustn't close your eyes to it.
Because even if you lose all your
words, even if you say it doesn't matter,
if you stumble
it will be there to help you up.
That's what kind of thing it is.

Ah, that promise we made that day.
I don't want to keep it by myself.
Ah, that far off dream we talked of throughout the night.
I don't want to make it come true by myself.
I can't tell anyone. I want to tell someone, that
that person is more important to me than anyone else.

la la la-
In a nonexistant place
I stand as I am.
Please be yourself.
That's how I want you to be.

la la la-
In a nonexistant place
I stand as I am.
Please be yourself.
I want you to be that way forever.

lemsip drink don't work.

2006-07-27T21:45:00.000+12:00

No rehersals today, woo.

>___>

One long all day one tomorrow. woo.

sessssssssssssssyhdfjdghhhhhh

2006-07-26T20:06:00.000+12:00

Don't really feel like posting.

Rehersal went okay. Someone asked me if I knew this guy and I was like... uhmm... "blah who?" and they're like "just blah" and I was like "yeah, that helps a lot" then they were like "he's gay". Hmmm don't really get why they're asking me, because he's gay? So Zee knows him?

Had to wear costumes, I look really cool. They're going to slick back my hair with gel for the actual thing. So Cool!.

Show opens next Thursday, everyone buy tickets before they run out. bye.

Dreams are Free.

2006-07-25T19:55:00.000+12:00

I don't remember all the things I wanted to write about...

I don't actually feel like going into much detail today.

I was annoyed because stupid fucking people thought the way I was acting was just me trying to be emo. Then my "friends" making fun of me, commenting on how majorly depressed I was looking.

Oh kay.

Chemistry was pretty horrible, I was trying to concentrate on the teacher and learn some stuff but my friends next to me kept talking, it was so annoying. then they were all talking about me, then the stupid fucking freak kid in front of me was laughing at my hair again, and saying I was trying to be all depressed emo, and then some stupid fucking girl wouldn't stop talking about me, and kept staring at me.

English was weird. Silly man was like "Who didn't do your homework" and he made us all stand, then he said we had a detention straight after to finish it off, but he ended up going through the questions during class and we wrote down the answers.

Talked to Mrs As about last night at morning tea.

Drama was alright, we pretty much did nothing the whole time, then we did a seven up at the end. A lot of conversation, and the teacher even standing there joining in on our conversations.

Maths was blah as always.

Lunch I hung out with my friend in the classroom again. Mrs H isn't angry with me anymore and wanted me to sit on her knee, then I went and sat with Mrs B and Mr&Mrs A. Mrs B is the only one at school who reads my blog everyday now, thank you so much, you're the only one who knows what's really going on.

Last period I had study and I talked with people, and stuff, wasn't that bad.

Rehersal after school was alright. It actually went really well, except for me almost bursting into tears on stage hahahahaha~. Uhm, well it was the final scene and this guy I kind of like was standing behind me to the side, and I really wanted to put my arm around him, and him to be mine forever. I just want a guy to have and to hold, and cry on, and to embrace. Oh well.

Dreams are Free.

all because of a stupid hairstyle.

2006-07-24T20:11:00.000+12:00

UGH DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE JUST FUCKING DIE.

iiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrr GRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRA

JKDJADFHADFHJDASJHDZFS
ADSF

FDAAGF

RAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

That's me screaming. I can't actually scream. so that's me screaming. I need to. I want to.

Mrs As... come online... I need to talk to you...

Last night, as I was crying and texting, Mr T called me from Howick. It was really inconvinient because t was 11:30, and I was crying over something my friend told me. only lasted five minutes, I apologised this evening, and made sure he call me again, just at a more convinient time.

Woke up this morning, and I guess I knew it was to be a horrible day. Why does this constantly happen to me?

I felt so horrible, in the morning I was really happy to everyone, then I realised what I was doing and stopped straight away.

First period was Drama, it was okay, we practiced some reading for the speach exam, the teacher said I was really good, but she's worried about my hairstyle (though she said she really likes it) and that the examiner should probably be able to see both my eyes, so I'll clip up my fringe for the exam or soemthing.

Maths was as horrible as ever. Gosh, by second period I was starting to feel really horrid. Sick and depressed, and horrible.

Morning tea was urrgghhh.. I forget. it was probably alright.

Study was really bad, I really should have done some work, but I ended up talking and playing games and omgosh I'm so stupid.

Media Studies was horrible, I'm hating this so much. We started watching Once were Warriors, and it's the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. The poor lady gets beaten up by her husband and she does nothing about it, and then when he waves money at her, suddenly she likes him again. UGH. She made me cry. Well, it set me off, so she was crying, then I started crying. >______> FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCKWITT I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS DIE.

I had a singing rehersal at lunch. I can sing. I'm just too shy to sing by myself, even though I'm not that bad.

Japanese last period, and by this period I felt the wrost in the day so far, and I didn't want to do anything. I don't even remember what we did. Oh something about some stupid fucking speech that's in the same week as my Drama assesment, my Chemistry assesment and my Maths assesment.

Walked with Mrs As for a bit, wanted to talk to her, but she wanted to catch the bus.

I ended up walking home with Mrs I, but then some stupid girl came up behind us and started talking to her, so I was pretty much walking with myself. I went the long way home, and walked really slowly, I was going to just stop, and sit on the curb, I felt so horrible.

At the dinner table:
Brother: Do you know BLAH?
Me: Yes
Brother: and do you know BLAH?
Me: Yes..
Brother: Are you frierdns with them?
Me: not really..
Brother: Okay..
Mum: Who are they?
Brother: (Hesitance...)...Just guys
Mum: other emos?
Brother: (Laugh)
Mum then said something about me saying that I'm emo, and then broher laughed as if it was totally absurd.

I really like those two guys, I think they're cool. It really hurt that he laughed at me like that. I hate hime so much

Right now I want to kill myself. I feel like shit. I want to die. I want to disappear, I want everything to just go away. LEAVE ME ALONE. STOP TALKING ABOUT ME. STOP TREATING ME LIKE SHIT. GO FUCKING FALL DOWN A HOLE.

GRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR

aadrstwhgghheshnjgrtdhgkjffhhjhjjh

2006-07-23T21:06:00.000+12:00

Went to Mrs As's today. Mr YH was there too. It was really fun, but I was uncomfortable when he was there, and after he left I was a bit better. Mrs As gives me lots of hugs and makes me feel better, I was really upset, and needed someone like her there.

Her sister and her friend apparently had never seen anyone like me before, so they were asking lots of weird questions. then when it was time for me to go home, her sisters' friend really didn't want to sit next to me in the car. it was funny.

My brother is borrowing my MP3 player for five days and he's going to pay for a membersip to RuneScape for a month for mee. mmm... that's it.

Blackness.

2006-07-22T21:33:00.000+12:00

Today was okay...

Turned on my phone at like 10 and had 9 new texts, and I was still trying to reply to them all when they started coming back again, hahahaha~.

Went up to the plaza with my dad in the afternoon, I bought some $3 hair dye from the "$2 + plus" store there.

Went home with mum, we went into the plaxa first to the chemist so mum could weigh herself and stuff, and two groups of kids were yelling emo at me, hahaha~ one of them was trying to get them to shut up. My mum was like "That's not very nice" and I was like "well I am emo... hahah~"

Mum just dyed my hair, It's black now, wooo. I'll take some photos tomorrow to show you what it looks like~

What kind of Emo I am:

You scored as poppy emo. you are into poppy emo. you want to look as "scene" as possible. if you can't sing along to the music, you don't like it. crowd surfing and rocking out is what its all about. i'm sure you listen to underoath, story of the year, and taking back sunday.

poppy emo

75%

chick emo

60%

depressed emo

60%

geek emo

50%

hardcore emo

40%

metal emo

35%

what kind of emo kid are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

I cried. Oh yes..

2006-07-21T16:20:00.000+12:00

Gosh this morning I thought I broke my MP3 player, it wouldn't turn on at all! hahahaha~ When I got home and pluged it into the computer, turns out it's battery died! hahaha~ it's so funny >______>

English we went to the library and read. hahaha~ Me and Mrs Y thought he asked us to bring our Wide reading booklets, but it turns out all he wanted was us to bring a reading book... So I read To Kill a Mocking Bird, wooo. It's actually an alright book.

Drama was okay too, just practiced our script etc.

Morning tea Mrs YH hung out with us, it was really awkward for him, and I kept acting really weird. I guess I was like, extra upset. hahaha~

Maths was blah, so shit. Hate it.

Media.. Gosh Media... Uhm... Me and Mr A sat on the couch as we watched the rest of The Piano.. I was crying... I was so upset, I can't just start hugging him, or leaning on him or anything, I'm so lonely, I was actually crying... Then the mute lady got her finger cut off by her husband and I hated the movie from then on. It was so mean and the scene was really emotional, defeated she sat in a pudle in the rain. It was horrible.

Lunch time I got lots of hugs, because I felt if I didn't I'd burst into tears... Oh I cried once too... meh...

Study was okay, Had my new English teacher's little sister as a teacher, she's really awesome, then she asked me about my hair, and everyone said it is emo, and she's like what's emo? and everyone was calling out silly stereotypes that are prolly true anyways, want to kill themselves, hate their life, want attention, cut themselves, all depressed and stuff.... MEH

Walked home fastly, lose all that excess weight, woo!

Mum gave me $10!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!! I'll buy some hair dye tomorrow~ Then Mum's going to dye my hair tomorrow night OH YEAH. BLACKNESS AGAIN!!! I'm going to make sure I put extra protection stuff in it and wash less often to keep the colour longer. mmm...

LOOK AT THE SIGNS MADE FOR MEE!!!

From Toby

From Mrs B2

ON MY MYSPACE!!!

>__________>... meh.

2006-07-20T20:05:00.000+12:00

OMGOSH! READ THIISS!!! It's me, every single sentence you'll read here, is me!!!

-----------blue eyes---------- people with blue eyes are very attractive, adorable, loves to make new friends. will do anything for that special person. kind, and polite. can make anyone laugh or cheer them up. loves to please the one they care or love for.
------------AUGUST---------------
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

AUGUST 26TH!! EXPECTING PRESENTS!!! WOOOO!!!

hahahahahahaha~

Muaha~ Okay, so today was my first day of acting normal. It was weird. But I like it better. I really do. Except for the fact heaps and heaps of people constantly asking me if I'm okay... I wasn't Hyper. I wasn't happy. I wasn't loud. I felt sick, sad, angry, deressed, and I didn't cover it with fake happiness.

No morning rehersal. Yay~. So I talked with Mrs E and Mrs Al. Told Mrs E everything.

Japanese first, it was alright, I did so much work, I was proud of myself, didn't talk, just got on with it.

Chemistry we did experiments on something... It was fun I guess... hahaha~

Morning tea I hung out with Mrs As and Tried to get Mr YH to talk to her, but he was too shy... I got really really angry.

English was alright... some silly book stuff...

Drama was okay too, practiced script, and we got rid of some lines since it was 20 minutes long, and it's supposed to be 15..

Maths was depressing as always. People asked if I was a conformist, "hahaha~ NO~!" didn't know what it meant, guessed it has something to do with conforming with the norm or something, I guessed right.

Met with Mrs As and her friend and we walked home together.

Vacummed when I got home, mum better give me the $10 she said I'd get if I did it.

Mrs C said she and her boyfriend will buy me some hair dye for my birthday, hahahaha~ But it's so far away, and I need to dye my hair now.. And my other friend wants me to use the $10 to get into Auckland to see her...

My brother wants to borrow my MP3 player tomorrow because there's not much work for him... But I really don't want him to use it...

My life is so messed up right now. I wish I could just be happy.

fuck off. wish I could just say it.

2006-07-19T21:26:00.000+12:00

So, rehersal at 8.

really cold and raining on to school.

Assembly.

English. Started reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Oh the boringness.

Drama. Started new play. uhm... yah..

Morning tea wanted to scream at annoying little kids. I just CAN'T HANDLE little people's immaturity.

Maths was so fucking depressing. Sat by myself, in silence, I HATED answering yes to my stupid fucking name.

Study was alright, got to talk to Mrs R... She's cool... Didn't get any of my stupid fucking chemistry shit. Then I tried readin stupid Charels Dickens, so we just listened to my stupid music.

Lunch rehersal.

Forgot my lunch today, so nooo food all day.

Media was really fun. Sat on Mrs B for ages as we watched The Piano, EWWWWWWW GOT TO BAAAADD SEXING/VOYER SCENES... ewwww the mute lady sexed up the man who can't read, and her husband watched from under the house....

After school rehersal was fun, the set for Anything Goes is almost gone, so we're slowly getting more space to do our silly dances. It's funny, the teachers keep fighting with eachother. The Conducter lady keeps fighting with the dance teacher and the director, she gets all angry with us, when we're wondering what's happening because none of the music goes with our singing or our dances, then the dance teacher was like "Well we've been practicing from the CD, is this music the same as the CD?" and the conducter's like "Well it's SUPPOSED to be." and blah, lots of funny fighting.

when I got home lots of binge eating, heaps and heaps of food, since no food since my noodle breakfast.

feel like shit now.

Mr T made me a cute sign. I'll post it when he send to me.

Conversation:

2006-07-19T20:12:00.000+12:00

Me:
I hooked up Mr YH and Mrs As...........
and I was going to ask her out
But she told me she liked him before me
and he told me he liked her
so I made them go out with each other
and now they're really happy
and I hate how I act at school
because everyone things I'm majorly happy/hyper/ loud 24/7 BUT I'M NOT
And I hate it because I don't know how to act normal
and if I do, people realise there's something wrong and ask me what' wrong, then I get angry then they get angry because I snapped at them to fuck off
thern these little annoying immature year nine guys follow us around and make fun of me
and Mrs As says she sticks up for her friends, but didn't even notice they were making fun of me
and I'ma wimp because I can't even tell them to fuck off
And I'm so pathetically stupid for wanting a girlfriend or a boyfriend so badly, and I don't even know if I really like Mrs As
Though I think about her lots, but... UGHHH
And I have a headache, and I want to scream, and I want kill someone.

AND MY SCALP IS FLAKING.
AND IT'S ITCHY.

Thus is school life.

2006-07-18T19:54:00.000+12:00

Today was another mediocre day.

8:00 rehersal for West Side. really really cold this morning actually. Actually most of the day was cold...

Maths first, omgosh, so tired, I really couldn't be bothered doing the stupid Trigonometry. Good thing I'm good at that and don't really need much practice...

Ugh, Last night I stayed up until 12 doing stupid Media Studies homework, so in Study I finished that off.

Media Studies we started watching The Piano. Everyone didn't like it, except me, I think it's a really good movie and I want to see what happens next ^___^

Japanese was alright too. I got Chemistry answers from Mrs K, we did fun stuff, I love sitting next to Mrs I, she's really nice to me now she knows how sad I am on the inside.

Lunch had a singing rehersal.

Chemistry was alright, I was falling asleep, and having a lot of fun with Mrs K.

Then I had after school rehersal again at centerstage, this time going through the whole show. It was really fun, I was really hungry and scabed food. hahaha~ But it's going to be a good show.

So tired, and stressed, hahaha~ Thus is school life.

Alright day. Not too depressing.

2006-07-17T19:32:00.000+12:00

Forgot to mention, amongst my angst; When I was at my grandparents, my nana said to me "Oh don't worry, we're not alarmed by how you look, there are a boy and a girl on Coronation street who are the same ^___^" hahahahahahaha~ Oh yeah, compare me to Coro street!

Today was the first day of term three at school. I got up at 6:30, only a couple of minutes after turning off my alarm, after a couple of minutes of sheer meditation of what was ahead of me. I got up, got dressed, lifted up my mirror so I could see it, and squinted into it. I spent a long while straightening my hair, I hate it looking so poofey. I was too tired to put gel or wax in the back to spike it up..

I had microwave pizza for breakfast...

I left the house at 7:30 sharp. Walking to school again. Hoping I'll lose some of that unwanted fat, and bulge around my middle.

Ugh, I feel so horrible right now, I hope it doesn't hinder my writing for what I felt during the day.

I'll skip to first period. Media Studies. Gosh I have soo much to do before tomorrow's lesson. I have to finish my storyboard, script and make up a log for my imaginary film that I didn't even do. I like Media, because I feel relaxed, I can talk to people and still get things done, It makes me forget my troubles for a little bit.

Japanese was alright, if fun. Yes. Fun with the "evil" Russian teacher. She's not really that Evil anymore, I'm used to her now, and her teaching, I find if I just try to learn instead of trying to be funny and brainy, maybe I could achieve something. Mrs I gave me a scarf her mum made for me, it's two differnt wools, one plain brown, the other multi-coloured, brown to white. It's really cool~

I was all over the place at morning tea. I was looking for someone and couldn't find them.. So I was in and out of my media class where I normally hang out. Walking in circles around the English Black. Dodging random people yelling "EMO!!" and "Oh, go slit yourself" and me giggling at their childish comments. Finally as I was walking with Mrs H when it was time for class, I saw who I was looking for and went to go talk to them.

Chemistry was kind of funny. Only two people did the homework we were supposed to have done in the holidays, so the teacher got really angry at us all. I think I may have learnt something this lesson, I'm trying to understand everything, and I don't talk as much, and I do the work. Sometimes I may find myself daydreaming about someone, then I'd realise what was happeneing and get back to what I was doing. I'm getting good like that. I hope.

Wow, I actually had a really really good English lesson, So surprizing. My evil teacher's wife had a baby so he's taking the entire term off to be with them!! WOOOO!!! so happy. My new teacher is the brother of one of the other teachers from Britain. He's soo cool, and he made English so much fun by including us in the lesson, making us move, and do fun stuff to help us learn and understand. I think I'm going to learn a lot this term, and start enjoying English a lot more.

Lunch I had a singing rehersal for West Side Story. Horrid. Gosh, after that I had five minutes to eat my lunch, as I got back to my media class everyone was just leaving, and as everyone was going to their classes, and I was about to go to my Drama class, I'd put my Yoghurt carton thingy in the bin, and I saw her. I went up to her, and we talked with her two friends for five or ten minutes, it was soo good. I really love talking to her. I can't wait until I see her tomorrow.

Drama was really fun too, we did two skits I think, I forgot, and I can't be bothered explainging, I don't think anything very important happened.

After school I had a dance and singing rehersal for West Side story, it was okay, so tiring though, hahahaha~ When I was on stage someone asked me if the scarf was a joke, I first said no, then I thought about it, and I thought, well I like it because it's so outragiously out of place, so I guess it is a joke. Someone else said it looked like soemthing a gay person or a girl would wear, then someone else said "or an emo~" hahahah~.

hmm... So here I am. I feel really horrid, I have all this Chemistry homework and Media Studies homework, gosshh, I'll be up late tonight~

R.I.P Yvonne Tan

2006-07-16T20:35:00.000+12:00

Just watching Sunday on TV1.

Yvonne Tan died:

Uhm... She was the girl who played the Japanese homestay on the Maggi cup-a-soup ad... She was also in such TV shows as Shortland street and Xena Warrior Princess.

Yvonne Tan died from mulitiple brain tumours. He hair fell out, and she gained a lot of weight. It was incurable, they tried surgery and radiation therapy, but the tumours (four in total) continued to rapidly grow. Soon Yvonne was unable to speak, walk, or see very well, and she soon died. She was 25 years of age.

Rest In Peace Yvonne.

Let Buddha be with you.

Fuck you, freaker.

2006-07-16T18:31:00.000+12:00

He thinks I'll be a drag queen when I'm older. Gross.

He asked if I get hassled at school, I asked why would I?

They're more fucking accepting than my own family.

My dad was like "The thing is, they all look like that anyway" and he was like "Then shouldn't they all get hasseled?"

He called me a freak, I said "OH YEAH! Freaks Represent!"

Fuck you. Get a life. Stop thinking about me, and worry about how people view you.

sardfjhykjdhfsferyteyrtrrt

2006-07-16T17:44:00.000+12:00

Fuck, everyone's making me so angry!! GRRR

I want to scream. But I don't know why.

I want to write poetry, but it can't come to me.

Today was the last day of the holidays, that means school tomorrow. I don't want to go.

Did nothing most of the day, then went to grandparents, everyone going on about how I look.

Took Uncle to airport.

Home.

Boring.

Feel sick.

Headache.

fuck off.

lalalalalalaaaaaalaaaaaaaaa

2006-07-16T12:15:00.000+12:00

I didn't post yesterday, again! Gosh, I'm getting so forgetful...

Yesterday I did nothing ^___^ Went up to the warehouse like always do with dad, and blah. that's it.

KFC For dinner, was disgusting.

Blah, bye.

School tomorrow.

UGH. >_______>

horoscope

2006-07-15T15:06:00.000+12:00

Gosh, read my horoscope for today, so unbelievably true:

You may be questioning everything that you do, especially when professional activities are not supported by your feelings. You need to clarify your role at home or with your family. There is so much for you to learn about yourself -- no matter how much transformational work you've already done. Don't ignore your inner voice now; your concerns about your place in the world are real.

Wowies.

Oh, that was yesterdays one...

todays:

Being around a lot of people now can be a good idea, as long as you aren't required to lead the group. You aren't interested in pushing your agenda; you have done enough of that in the past. Now it's time to bask in the support of like-minded people without having to figure anything out except how to enjoy yourself.

adfadg

2006-07-14T21:38:00.000+12:00

I don't care what he says. I really don't care. He called me a poofter. He always does. I don't care.

But it hurts.

It hurts a lot.

I don't like that pain. The pain inside.

I'm crying.

DIE, FAGGOT.

2006-07-14T21:06:00.000+12:00

FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!! Let me be who the fuck I want to be!! Just because you're a fucking failure! No Style, no friends, no nothing. Afraid I'm getting too good? Afraid I'm going to be more succssesful than you? FUCK YOU. I'll wear fucking eyeliner if I want to! DIE.

There you go, FUCKWITT. EMO, NOT GIRL.

I haven't gotten it all out, but I feel that's all I can say.

Martin, by the way, was given to me at the supermarket yesterday, by a girl giving away people pegs to everyone, advertising Persil Washing powder.

MARTIN!!.

2006-07-14T17:56:00.000+12:00

Yesteday was Thursday. Went to rehersal, it was raining, got my jeans and my shoes wet >___<.

Was supposed to meet Mrs c and Mrs H after, but Mrs C stood up Mrs H, so she didn't go, then Mr C stood me up, so Mrs K took me home >____<.

LOOK:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/4b19af24.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/6dc45c01.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/4e1ad18e.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/f51c8b02.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/407fe153.jpg

His name is Martin, and he's my people peg. He comes with me everywhere, on my clothes, he's my second best friend <33.

I'm going to put those pictures under my heros on myspace! ^____^ hahahahaha~ yep.

Okay, so today I went to Mrs H's house, and we made cookies, I think we may have made them wrong though because they weren't very nice... hahahaha~

Uhmmm... That's it. ^___^

hahaha~ Sorry, I'm putting happy faces on here, I feel like shit, not really happy at all, OH WELL!! hahahaha~

die

zee <33

long day.

2006-07-12T20:47:00.000+12:00

Last night I was on the phone to Mrs H for about three hours.. Got off at about 11. Near the end of our call, she had to brush her teeth, and went to bed, where she had to pretend she was sleeping, and was whispering to me... but I kept making her laugh, so she was giggling, and her mum came in and got angry at her. hahaha~

This morning I got up at about 8:50, and I turned on my phone and there were two texts from Mrs Al. She was sick and was going to the doctor to see if she'll be alright to hang out with me for the day.

By the time I'd straightened my hair, and gotton ready for the day. I went upstairs and I had a note asking me to hang out the washing, gosh, I had to leave by ten, so when I had done the washing, it was about 9:30.

Rushing, I quickly had some breakfast, washed the dishes, put on my shoes, packed a bag, then I realised that she might not even be able to go, so I spent my last 20c on a text asking if I was going or not, she said yes, but that not until 11:30, so that was good, gave me some more time to relax.

So, after applying some eyeliner, I was on my way to meet Mrs Al outide of New World Supermarket in Orewa.

I ended up being really really fast, so I slowed down heaps, and I was still early.. Though I arrived at about 11:15, after going the long way. Stood and waited. Then at 11:18 Mrs Al text me saying the bus wasn't there yet... she was getting worried, the bus d'dn't arrive until 11:25, so I went to the library to kill some time. Read a manga about a dog that found a magic bone, and when she kissed it she could turn into human. So it was Christmas time, and something was happening (second book, no number one) and someone wanted to give this guy that the dog-girl liked and blahblah. The she turned into a human while she was drunk, and of course she had no clothes on, and then he was like "Put this jacket on" and she's like "why?" and he's like "because it's embarassing to be naked in front of people" and she put it on, then she started sitting on top of him, and taking off his shirt that he was wearing, he told her to stop, he said "You're getting me in the mood" She said "For what?". The last thing I remember, because I was thinking how a perfectly good manga was going crap was his embrassed face saying "never mind...".

Thought it was about time for Mrs Al's bus to arrive so I left, and sure enough, as soon as I walked towards the bus stop it came.

Me and Mrs Al went into different shops, looked at stuff... I realised just how boring earings can be... hahahaha~

Went to Asahi for a sushi lunch (her shout of course)

Went to Chemist to look at the ball photos, and Mrs Al ordered some.

Went to the library and Mrs Al got out some CDs to copy to her computer.

Then we decided to go up to Whangaparaoa, so we caught the bus up there, it was two o'clock by then and as we were getting off the bus Mrs H called me, and asked where I was, and I told her we were going to walk to her house from there "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" she said, hahahaha~.

Me and Mrs Al went to the Hospice shoppe, then the Salvation Army shop. Then walked from there, through different walk ways, and ending up walking on the beach to Stanmore bay.

By the time we got up to where the street to Mrs H's street was, it was about 3:00. So Mrs Al turned around and went home, and I went on to Mrs H's house.

UGH. No one was home!! So I stood outside their house hahaha~ for almost an hour! It was about 3:50 before they came home! Apprently they decided to go to Gulf Harbour, and Mrs H didn't want to go, but her mother forced her to, hahaha~.

Mrs H Cut the back of my hair, it's really short now, tomorrow I'll spike it up! It'll be so cool~ yepyep.

I tried on Mrs H's hoodie, love it, I want one!!

Dad picked me up at 6, me and Mrs H were sitting on her driveway waiting for him. hahaha~ these gangster kids walked by and were SO talking about us, why must they make it so obvious! hahaha~ then looking back at us when they're clearly still in view.

Oh well. Got home, and Brother and his girlfriend were just leaving for the airport, she's going back to England. Dad told me I had to help my mum with wine tasting thingy she got to do, all her friends who were going to come, backed out. Mum called some old people up the street though, and they came, so we all tried these wines, special fat man came to let us try. I hate dry wines, red ones are also quite bad. Sweet ones are okay. And I tried a port, gosh, made me shudder, but I liked it. Oh the wonders of 18% alcohol. hahahaha~

I'm really tired, and my feet hurt. I think I'll sleep well tonight.

Feel like shit. When aren't I though?

Zee <33

fuck you. die horrible death.

2006-07-11T20:49:00.000+12:00

oh I hate my life. Oh I hate it, hate it, hate it. I want to die, I'm sick of this, I'm sick of feeling so bored, themn feeling so lazy I can't even do anything. Everyone hates me, and no one ever talks to me on MSN anymore. I have all these people on here who've forgotten who I am because they never talk to me anymore, I don't know what to say to them, I've lost my touch for everything.

I'm actually drinking milk. I mean, when was the last time I've had three consecutive glasses of milk?

Today Aaza didn't come online 'till about 3:45, so we were late for our cam thingy, it was fun I supposed, my hair looked horrible, and her mum thought I was her boyfriend.

I sat in my wardrobe, and as soon as I closed my eyes. SEX.

SEX.

fucking SEX.

hot guys with abs, removing shirt.

I Quickly OPENED my eyes, trying not to cry.

DIE.

Photos and Guest post for Leon.

2006-07-11T13:16:00.000+12:00

Okay, Leon posted the guest post I write for him~ You all can read it here .

Uhmm... doing nothing today... have a webcam date at 3 wth Aaza and Seza~ hahaha~ and they're going to send me something.

Had to wash my hair this morning, and so to keep my hair from going all frizzy I wore the beanie I made when I was like 7~ here are the pictures I took:

Aaza: "Penis picture!!"

Mrs H: "This looks so Pete Wentz!!"

Post again later~

Zee~ <33

blahness. die. hate you. hate this feeling.

2006-07-10T18:30:00.000+12:00

Awww... Aaza wrote thise cool as poem for me:

a poem for zee. (that's me <33)

Don't be sad please hun don't
Can't stand thnking ur not alright
Its worrying me all nite.

If you need to scream...
TAke ur pillow and scream
If you need to cry..
I'll be there for you to cry on.
If your feeling down i wish
I could be there to cheer u up.
..this myt not help alot.

You know i care bout u,
I care heaps
If you need to scream..
Scream into ur pillow
If u need to cry, cry on my shoulder
Please dont be sad, things arent too bad.
Just smile and think of shmexi tobyy.
..Cos i cant stand to thnk ur not alright.
xx

Ohkay. So today I did nothing. Mum's day off so did stuff with her... I straightened her hair! hahaha~ because she had to go out for something... yep... then a lot of nothing... then we went to Orewa and went to New World, and The Mad Butcher, and The Bank... Yep... that was my day...

Leon wrote last part of my guest post, and one more about my blog. Thank you so much Leon... made me cry..

Then Aaza made me cry with the poem she wrote me..

All because I was feeling like shit. Still am really. Sickness, tiredness, and being fed up with everything go to me and I just want it all to go away...

I need someone. It's gone beyond want. I feel like I need someone. Maybe because I feel really far away from these 'friends', but I just need someone here... someone to hold, and kiss, and be with forever.

My new nickname is Zee, can't remember if I wrote it here or not. It was just what Aaza thought up, and started calling me in her head, cute really ^___^

I'm feeling a bit better now anyways.... But not so much to just forget everything.

bye all~
Zee <33

Guest Post: Shogun's Blog

2006-07-10T18:24:00.000+12:00

Shogun's Blog

(Written by Leon)

This blog has seen many changes since it was started in December of last year. Shogun started it in Blogger and wrote there until the end of February. When Blogger went through an unstable period he moved the blog to his own website which was set up with a free host.

The new blog was so different! The blog engine was b2evolution and it reminded me of Wordpress. I joined his blog and took care of the 'Links Blog' while he took care of his personal blog, a companion blog to his Ayumi Hamasaki fansite, and a Japanese language blog.

The personal blog was a continuation of the Blogger one. He wrote some good posts there. We had problems with the host and eventually gave up on them. Unfortunately some of the posts were lost.

Around this time Shogun began to experiment with LiveJournal and copied some posts there. Many posts that might have been lost were safe because of the LJ.

Shogun's LJ was set to friends only and his writing did get a bit more personal. He continued writing about work, and school, and friends. I enjoyed the discussions that developed from his posts.

Sometimes Shogun and I argued but we both liked how he was blogging. I was therefore disappointed when I saw a drastic change in his blog and read this:

I might not write about what I did in certain subjects, because I know people think that's stupid, and they only want to read the good parts

I was angry that someone would be so mean as to trash Shogun's writing like that.

I wrote this in one of my blogs:

I have been reading his blog, in one form or another, since early December. Bryce likes to write and he writes well. He adds a lot of humor such as haha and yupyups. It is fun to read. That is how I got to be friends with him. He never had many readers but he never catered to us either. Generally he writes what he wants. Bryce it's YOUR blog.

Shogun quoted me and added:

I know I write absolute shit in this blog. But I like to write about everything. I like to "re-cap" if you will. It's a way of winding down I suppose. If I don't write my daily blog, I feel weird... Like my day isn't actually over yet

He kept writing his blog.

In May he moved his blog back to Blogger and it has been here since. We are celebrating his 100th post but that doesn't include the lost material or the posts written in LJ. There is still a lot to celebrate.

Shogun's blog is an example of a personal or diary style blog. He uses it to talk about the day and any troublesome issues. Take this at face value but remember that you are seeing what he wants you to see.

If you read this blog you will see a part of one teen's life. His triumphs and heartbreaks are recorded here. You will see photo's of him and his friends. You may get to know him a little.

Shogun's Blog brought us together and we became friends. That is one of the reasons I like his blog.

Guest Post: Shogun And Me - Part 2

2006-07-10T10:10:00.000+12:00

Shogun And Me - Part 2

(written by Leon)

Shogun left for Japan and we were out of touch for a while. He was busy seeing new things and meeting new people. I had time to think and rest.

I knew we liked each other. We were open with each other and had developed a good relationship based on trust. The problems we faced were often based on boundaries. Learning what Shogun was willing to talk about (or say about me) was important. He had opened up a little online but needed to keep it seperate from his 'real life'.

One of the ways we kept things seperate was by sticking to 'Shogun' when writing in blogs and comments and using 'Bryce' in personal communication. I was used to that because I was 'Firemind' for a few years.

I was determined work harder to respect his boundaries. When he returned from Japan we had several nice chats and I didn't press. We got along quite well.

May was a horrible month for Shogun. He lost some friends and had troubles with his family. This all happened at once and he was so stressed out and tired. Nothing I did seemed to help and often made things worse.

I was having problems too. One of my volunteer positions wasn't working so I had to make some painful decisions.

Helping Shogun was one way I could forget my problems for a while. Unfortunately sometimes it made him upset. One night he said, "Why don't you just leave me alone?" I said friends don't abandon friends when they are having problems. I didn't abandon him but I eased up and gave him some space.

Things slowly got better and by mid June we were both much more relaxed. Since then we have had some very fun times and have laughed a lot.

Shogun is part of my life and I appreciate his humour, and his warmth, and his intelligence. He is the "son" I never had and is one of my best friends. Thanks for being there Shogun and thanks for writing this blog.

die. please.

2006-07-09T23:31:00.000+12:00

omg, Leon didn't come on at all today... I feel so empty... Gosh, it's so weird... It's like I can't feel happy or comfortable until I've spoken to him... I feel really unhappy... I want this to just go away. this feeling of such emptiness... UGH. die. die. die die die die die die DIE.

need to cry.

I'm pathetically stupid.

2006-07-09T19:48:00.000+12:00

Why do I feel she's stealing him from me? Why must I always feel like people are stealing my friends? I am always cautious of who I introduce people to, and sometimes when I do, I feel that those people talk to them more than I do, and I get upset. WHY!? Gosh, I'm so stupid, It's like I can't get any other friends, and I'm scared they prefer their company to mine, and then they decide not to be friends with me anymore...

ICH. This might have something to do with me wanting someone to be mine. UGH, like I think they'd be mine anyways. I just need someone who, no matter what, is mine, mine forever, to have and to hold, for better and for worse. So stupid.

Just because this guy is sweet, and hot, and lives close... He wouldn't want a guy like me. *sigh*

Today we went to the shopping mall place Sylvia park. it was really cool, really crowded, but cool. If I had money to spend it would've been even better. The warehouse extra is the largest stand alone store in the southern hemisphere, and it was soo cool~ hahahah~

mmm... I don't know what else to write...

Wednesday meeting up with Mrs. Al. GOING TO MAKE HER BUY HAIR DUYE FOR ME!! MUAAAHH!!

Thursday have rehersal at school from 12 until 3. mmm

byebye~

boring day of nice girls, and guy...

2006-07-08T21:01:00.000+12:00

Today I did nothing. fun fun. Though I must tell you funny tale:

Went to the warehouse with my dad, wearing eyeliner, and emo clothes. yep. It was so awesome though, because girls were looking at me, like, checking me out, I liked it, it felt weird, because people don't normally look at me that way, anyways, so there were about five girls altogether who checked me out, then as we were leaving apparently (I didn't see) a guy in soccer shorts was really obviously checking me out, like up and down, hahahaha~ My mum's friend was laughing a lot...

Actually when we were in the store, and my mum and her friend were still working, she kept laughing at me, and said mean thing about my eyeliner and making fun of me and stuff, it really hurt my feelings. STUPID FUCKING WOMAN. DIE. >____>

Okay, that's my rant over.

Had de-humidafyer thingy going in my room for a few days now, emptied the wate4r once, gosh it was so full. Used to wake up with water on my window. NO MORE. hahaha~ My room used to me really cold. NO MORE. hahahahaha~ Used to smell like... I dunno.\, but now it smells fresh~ YAY~ hahahahaha~ it's nice. I likey.

Also plugged my MP3 player into my stereo and can have it playing out of one speaker! it's so cool, because now I can play all them songs loudly in my room, rather than having to put up the volume heaps to lsten through head phones...

I'm so tired... I look like a freak...

People online adore me... Why can't people at school or anyone else I see in real life adore me so? Why must people always talk about me behind my back? All these things going around the school about me, I never hear any of them... >_______<

Yesteday I posted the first part to Leon's guest post for me, it's really exciting, I want to know what happens next! Cliffhangers suck!

Anyone else want to write one, please go ahead!!

thankies, byee~

Guest post: Shogun And Me - Part 1

2006-07-07T20:31:00.000+12:00

Shogun And Me - Part 1

(written by Leon)

In December 2005 I was bored and lonely one night and began to browse blogs. One of the blogs I found was written by a 16 year old New Zealander who used the name Shogun. I left a comment and he responded to it and we soon became friends.

We read each other's blogs and commented and sometimes sent emails back and forth. Shogun became a member of one of my group blogs and participated in various activities. Shogun was becoming a big part of my online "community".

Things weren't always perfect. Sometimes we would argue about things but managed to not let it get out of hand. We always treated each other with honesty and respect.

We chatted almost everyday and had some good heart-to-heart talks. I found that these talks inspired several good blog posts. This was the beginning of one of our "routines". We would write our posts and then discuss them in IM if possible. This gave us stuff to talk about and kept us blogging.

At the end of January I was feeling depressed and wrote a post called "Crying Uncle" in which I said I wish I had a son. Shogun responded and we 'adopted' each other. It was a fun way to recognize our bond.

Shogun and I had been chatting every day and I could feel that something was going to happen. We kept dancing around certain issues and felt bad for doing so. In early February we were surprised when we came out to each other. We had another thing in common.

February was an amazing month. We were open and honest and it felt great. I was ill for a while and relied on Shogun for my 'social life'. He appreciated having someone to talk to about certain things. We really began to learn about each other and to get along. It wasn't always easy but it was satisfying. I think he helped me as much as I helped him.

Things began to change in March and April. We were too connected and he needed to make some changes. He made new friends and tried new things but I found things difficult. Shogun wasn't just another online friend and I missed our long chats. I found it hard to change and to accept the changes in him.

We couldn't find a balance and I kept trying to find something that worked. I tried too hard and he saw that as interfering. When I left things alone he came to me for help. We seesawed like this for a while and finally couldn't stand it any more.

We talked before he went to Japan in April. I was glad we did because I wasn't sure we would be friends when he returned to New Zealand. Neither of us had done anything devastating but we were tired of arguing all of the time. I didn't know how we were going to fix things.

End of Part 1.

BAKING FRENZY!!!

2006-07-07T14:23:00.000+12:00

I MADE CUPCAKES!!! AND COOKIES!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~~~~~~

hahaha~ I made some Yummy chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing, and some yummy chocolate cookies (anmd some of them have leftover chocolate icing on them ^^)

Mum said I could make anything as long as we had all the ingredients for them, SO I DID!!...

AND now we have no cocoa, flour, chocolate buttons, or brown sugar... >______>

OH WELL! hahahahaha~ I'm sure everyone will be happy I baked! No one else in this family ever does >___>...

Spent the whole day baking you know. And went through two Ayu concerts. FOUR times I washed the dishes, GOSH.

hahahah~ So tired now. awww, only one week of holidays left... gah, better get onto the homework I was supposed to have done -_____-UUU.

Here:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Shogun!

Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Shogun.
The first domain name ever registered was Shogun.com!
Shogun can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw Shogun into a volcano it would stop erupting!
Abraham Lincoln, who invented Shogun, was the only US president ever granted a patent.
You would have to dig through four thousand kilometres of Shogun to reach the earth's core.
If you blow out all the candles on Shogun with one breath, your wish will come true.
Shogun has only one weakness - the colour yellow!
Shogun can smell some things up to six miles away.
It's bad luck to whistle near Shogun.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Bryce!

The deepest part of Bryce is over 35,000 feet deep.
Bryce is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.
Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than Bryce.
All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by Bryce.
Bryce is actually a fruit, not a vegetable.
You should always store Bryce in an airtight container in the fridge!
Bryce is the sacred animal of Thailand.
Bryce was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom his name comes!
Bryce is 984 feet tall.
Bryce can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night.

pictures, yeh!

2006-07-07T09:27:00.000+12:00

Gosh, four more photos today~ I had to see what I would look like in a bandana, so here I am!

Two good ones:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/b0f24b9c.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/add406fd.jpg

Two not so good ones:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/d67d6369.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/0288a3eb.jpg

These photos were taken in my room by the way, yes, it's that blue.

as busy as a beaver. dead beaver.

2006-07-06T16:03:00.000+12:00

Gosh. Spent the day doing things to my room. Took everything out of it, vacuumed, sprayed, then put everything back in in a new place, now my seks is OUT, and my room looks CLUTTERED. hahaha~ Oh well.

I don't really know what else to say except; Where is everyone? Gosh I feel so alone, everyone is gone, and I'm sitting at home by myself. Oh well.. *sigh*

I'll see if Mrs. Al wants to hang out tomorrow... mmm...

lalalala~ bye.

>___>

~~Oh, by the way Mrs. B, I saw the comment [NAMESUPRESSION] left on your myspace. Was [SEXSUPRESSION] making fun of me? It made me feel really sad -______-UU~~

Gosh I'm pathetic.

PICTURREEESSSS~~ yes. die.

2006-07-05T12:53:00.000+12:00

Hey guys~ Here are some photos I took yesterday~ You can comment here, or in myspace or at bebo.

Good ones:
MY FACE
Darkness engulfs my soul
ooo
Heartypie

Not so good ones:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/100_0931copyno.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/100_0928copyno.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/100_0926copyno.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/100_0925copybo.jpg

Yep. hahaha~ I'm so cool. >____>

I plan to do NOTHING today. Horray. hahaha~ There's a job in the newspaper that's close to my house that I should call. But I don't know what I would say. I keep getting the feeling that they'll look at me and be like "No. Die.". Oh well, I'll do it later... or... I don't know... Gosh I'm so scared.

Also I really get onto cleaning my room and stuff... UGH. The only reason why I'm not doing it today is because for some reason my brother is home. It's so annoying, when I woke up I didn't want to get up until he left. He didn't leave... *sigh* Oh well.

SIGH

2006-07-03T17:20:00.000+12:00

Yesterday was my 100th post, and I think I'll do what Leon is doing, and have "guest posts" but because I left it so late, all you readers out there will have to write them for me now, or whenever so I can post them. People I'd enjoy a post from would be Leon, Billy, Becca and Ashley, anyone else too (Stephen?). All you have to do is write something about me, it doesn't have to be long, all you have to say is a lot of shit you know I'll like to hear, you can even point out where I'm going wrong, so I can feel sorry for myself, and force myself to change, after sulking in the corner for a while. Give it a title too, while you're at it. Send your posts to yamaguchi [dot] shogun [at] gmail [dot com].

I'm tired. So far I'm not really enjoying this holiday, my eyes hurt from being so tired, and I feel like shit.

Today I got up at about 10, I spent a while on my hair, and I put on eyeliner. And I got ready to go to school. Rehersal was to start at 12, as I've said so many goddamned times it's not funny. But when I came upstairs, mother was nowhere to be found. Gosh Mother, how am I getting to school? Are you dropping me off? Am I walking? How was I to know? Gosh. *sigh* So I waited until about 11:20, If I was to walk I would have to leave at 11:25. I noticed her car key had been taken off her keyring, so she didn't have her licence, and she didn't have a wallet thing, or her mobile phone. Good thing she came home then, at 11:20, she was next door, and her car was getting a warrent of fitness, so I had to walk -____-.

Rehersed crap.

went to Orewa, no Hair dye at the $2 shop, came home.

had a shower.

...

I don't know.

fuck you.

die.

hate this.

need to cry.

100th post~

2006-07-02T22:52:00.000+12:00

Today was so boring. At one point I felt such crap that I pulled the shit off the floor in my wardrobe and I sat there with the door shut, and a blanket around me, trying to cry. Actually, while I was in there I realised that this week I have to re-arange my room again. I'm sick of my desk being in the wardrobe.. need more room when sitting in there... so I have to try make everything fit in my room... *sigh*..

I'm sick of having no money. need a job.. plus I need to start saving for Uni... Gosh. So close...

Hmmm, people read this. hahahahaha~ Omgosh I must be so goddamned interesting. Talking about how fucking depressed I am, and how I want to die, and how I want to kill my family etc. Gosh, What an interesting person.

I wish people would actually comment on things they read, that way I don't think I'm posting to myself the whole time.

Tomorrow I have a dancing and rumble rehersal for west side story at school... I should also go to The $2 shop in Orewa to buy some hair dye, hahahahaha~ yes~ $4 hair dye~ I wonder if I'll be able to afford it?

hmm, what else shall I write that'll keep my "faithful" readers interested?...

hahahaha~ omgosh Leon you tricked me, hahahaha~ Sad, so I don't have any random readers... Aww, that makes me feel sad...

*pouts*

bye... reader(s)...

EDIT!!! Gosh I didn't realise that this is my 100th post! Yes, congratulations me, WRITE STUFF ABOUT ME!!!

go away...

2006-07-02T16:07:00.000+12:00

I don't know what to write. I feel like shite, but don't I always? I want to go into the City on wednesday, thursday or friday, my friend from hamilton is comming up, and I want to meet him, but I have no money, and there's no other way for me to get there.

Tomorrow is a rehersal at school for west side.

Tuesday I'm going to my friends house.

Hoping Mrs H would stop being so mean and stop beaing angry at me for nothing and then she can dye and cut my hair, because it's annoying me, and I can't afford dye or haircut place...

I'm feeling horrid, and I want it to go away. I want to lock myself away so I can cry. I want to disappear. I want everything to just end. Go away. Leave me alone.

go away..

>__________

2006-06-30T22:54:00.000+12:00

Ich. What a day. Supposed to be quite a happy day, SUPPOSED to be. Gosh. Ich, Started off fine, Rehersal at 8, then first period I had English, and it actually wasn't that bad, I finished typing my Formal writing, and it was over 900 words, then after that I had drama, and we did fun stuff in there, then it was morning tea and I talked to Mrs Al, then I had Maths, and that was okay, if boring, then Media Studies, and I got to do a lot in my film, then I stayed at lunch to do more, Then last period I was to have study, so I went to class so the teacher could do the roll, then I'd go back and finish the film... This was the beginning of my depressive state... Ich, teacher wouldn't let anyone go, so I was stuck in this room with people I thought were my friends... I was so wrong. Gosh these people were nasty to me, I know they were probably just joking, but the things they did and said made me feel so horrible. They called me names, made fun of me, said I was a girl etc. Hit me, tried to throw chairs at me, then every time someone came in the room they'd say I had a phobia for chairs, and that I scream like a girl etc. Gosh, then they made me think about how I don't have anyone, no one really there to comfort me, no one to be there for me. thanks guys. like you too.

After school went to Orewa with Mrs Al, Mrs E, and Mrs L, we had McDonalds and walked around the shops etc. it was fun.

die.

OMGOSH, Birthday ideas: http://www.bandmerch.com/java2/BandMerch/clandestine/index.jsp?category=6 (Hint, belt, Black and Pink tie, Pink and white tie, buttons~)
http://store.fueledbyramen.com/default.asp is also a nice place to looky~ hahahaha~

Noh-way José~

2006-06-29T20:55:00.000+12:00

Okay, sorry I haven't posted in a while.

Last night I went into the city with Mrs K, and Mrs I, and My Japanese teacher Mrs Z to see an authentic Noh performance, by a man who's family had been doing it for 300 years. One of the masks this man used was 400 years old... He told us his costume was fairly new, only 100 years old. Hahaha~ He also said that all the gold you could see on it, was real gold, there was gold stitching, and tassels, and buckles etc. So cool~

It was weird though, because before the play, we were told it was about this guy, and he meets this old couple who look after these two pine trees, and then something happens and they realise that the couple are the spirits of the trees and blah blah.... So the thing starts, and we hear a flute, then ages after the three guys with instruments come on, two different drums, and a flute guy, then they sit down, then three other guys come on, and they're the singers, then they start this music, and so they're playing this song, and they're singing for about five minutes, then the actor came on wearing the male mask, and the gold kimono thing, and he walks around with his fan, and dances a little, actually a lot, for about 20 minutes he does this, then the music stops, and the freezes, then he walks off then everyone claps... During the dance he kept looking like he was about to leave the stage, and we were like 'Oh, what's going to happen', then he'd just turn around, 'Oh... nothing...' hahahaha~. hmmm... no trees... NO PINE TREES!. No couple... it was weird.

After that, there was a 'workshop' to teach us about Noh, he said we'd become experts hahahaha~ Anyways, he told us that In New Zealand people like to watch movies, and people like to read books, but the books are always better because everything is left to your imagination, and that's exactly what Noh is. But I thought it was a little less than that, I mean, he said the different movements he did with his fan etc. reperesented different things, but I just couldn't see it... The singing guys repeated the same thing over and over, so they weren't telling us what was going on, how are we supposed to know? hahahaha~ no one in the audience actually understood these things.

We got 20 minutes break, so Mrs Z took us to starbucks, and I had a cream frappacino, I didn't mean to, she asked coffee or cream, and I said cream thinking on top, but no, it was cream instead of coffee, so it was a little weird... I also had a dutch apple pie, YUMMY!

We arrived slightly late, the doors were shut, and we had to ask someone to let us in, then we sat down again. Before we left, the guy told us that the next show was about a celestial being that comes from the heavens to see the cherry blossom viewing, so we had to imagine the cherry blossoms falling etc. WELL, it was difficult, and he was dancing for so long, and we didn't know what was going on...

Overall the evening was interesting... I wouldn't pay to go see this show, but it was a good experience.

Oh mah gosh!! Someone I don't know reads this blog! WOOOO! interesting.

Afterball party and photos

2006-06-25T22:32:00.000+12:00

Yesterday I met Charlotte at school at 3, and we went to Orewa to get a video for the afterball party. We then got picked up and picked up some other people, and we went to Takapuna where the girls had to get their hair done for the ball, same with Hong Joon, Charlotte's boyfriend. Me and Charlotte talked in Starbucks while we waited, after walking around the mall with Hong Joon. It was starting to get dark, and it was time to leave, the people going to the ball were in their clothes, and we were off to North Harbour stadium, where the ball was being held. We were an hour too early, so we had to sit in the car for ages, we saw all these people arriving in Limos, sooo cool.

UGH, we opened the windo to ask some guy something, then the guy in my study class who stares at me spotted me, and said to his friends "Oi, I hate that fucking emo faggot!" and I looked at him, and said "Thanks" then he looked at me, as if he didn't expect me to hear him, with his angry face. DIE. You know, he's my house leader, hah, what a leader, setting example for the little kids.

We then left. On the way home. We stopped at KFC, and got some dinner for us, Me, Charlotte and Hong Joon's mum, and 15 pieces of hot and spicy for everyone else later on.

When we got to Hong Joons house, we ate our dinner, and me and Charlotte had to get on to doing some homework, it was about 8:30, and the ball wasn't due to finish until 12am. The party was to start at 1.

Me and Charlotte did heaps of work (actually mostly her, I did hardly anything) and then we had a heart to heart talk for a while. it was fun. Then HJ mum went to get everyone. When she was gone, people started to arrive.

The party was okay, there was drinking, there was food, there was karaoke, then at about 3:30 we watched house of wax. after that, (about 6ish) people started going to bed, while me and Yukiko and Daisuke played cards through the morning, still playing at 8:30am.

Then people started waking up, and blah blah, breakfast, blah blah, and home at about 10:30 am. No sleep. hahahaha~.

I didn't want to drink anything at the party, but I kind of wanted to try a vodka cruiser, so after mass hesitation I had a bottle, it lasted me pretty much the whole night. Charlottle got tipsy and was trying to force beer on me, but I refused. ICH. Also, people kept saying I was drunk. I was loud, laughing etc. and I kept spilling my drink for some reason, so at one point, people kept taking my drink off me... hahaha~ So evil!

Anyways, here's some photos from the night~

My hair!- so badly done

Me in HJs mirror!

Me and Yukiko

The party- Charlotte's in the orange

Taken when Charlotte tried to make me delete the photo with her in it ^

The party

Japanese girls chatting

Yoshimi and Yukiko cleaning up

PHOTOSS!!!!

2006-06-23T15:15:00.000+12:00

Yay~ I finally upoaded the photos from Mufti day on Tuesday, here they are:

This was me in the morning-Gah, can't see the back of my head OR my skinny jeans~~

Me and Helle

Emo pose~

Emo pose Number two

EMO RANGER!

Helle and Emo Ranger

CatWoman!!

Me and CatWoman

Me and Helle again

Laura, Emma (with cape on) and me~

Me and Lisette

Me and BatWoman

CatWoman - with newly aquired tail

Alex, Ash, Becca, Fraser - Becca, why you hiding?

MUHAA, caught her out!!

Aww, don't hide...

Jose, Helle, Random, Dayna

Nicole

Helle and random

Nicole and Jade

Jose and Helle

Stop hiding!!!

HEY! why are you hiding?

Muah!

Similar shoes...?

Alex and Ash

ooooh, yummy foods~

Fraser!!! What are you doing!?

I'm rolling up your jeans

Doesn't it look nice?

NO!, but my finger is.

GOSH.

Hahahahahaha~ that's ALL of the ones I took. I put a couple of them on myspace.

Today was a half day at school, we finished at 12:30, then the teachers had some PPTA meeting or something.

I wish days like today were more often, First period I had study, talked whole time. Second, Media Studies, talked and did nothing whole time. Morning tea, Then Japanese, and we played games the whole time, so much fun, hahahahaha~ HOME TIME. Freezing weather though, really windy and cold.

Might be going to an after ball party tomorrow (since I'm not going to the ball) In Gulf Harbour, which is quite far away. It starts a 12, so I have no idea how I'm going to get there, that's why I say might. I'd really like to go though... It'll be fun. Yep.

Mufti +

2006-06-21T16:20:00.000+12:00

Sorry haven't posted in a while, haven't been able to get to a computer. Tuesday was Mufti day, I wore my awesome skinhny jeans and the t shirt I bought, I also spent 30 minutes on my hair. hahahaha~ Yep, half an hour!. I straightened it like normal, then I got wax and spiked up the back, then I used hair spray to keep it like that, then I used the spray to keep the fringe nice and striaght and flat looking.

UGH, when I walked into form class, everyone was looking at me, and I wasn't even wearing eyeliner!!! then this started taking photos and videos of me -____-UU.

I took lots of photos at morning tea and before school. It was Superhero dress up for year 13s so I have some of my friends dressed up. I can't post them now though, because I don't have much time before my mum would get home.... hmm... maybe after I've posted this, I may post another with pictures.

Rehersal for wes side started at lunch, and went until 6:15, we went over to centerstage (local theatre) so we could put the show together with songs and dances, and so we can see how everything goes... It was really fun, being in mufti too!

Today was okay, but I'm really hating them stupid people in form class (the photo guy included) who make comments about me, and try to touch me and stuff. And today that guy was showing everyone the photos of me. UGH. I want to kill him.

I have a new liking to making my milo with like 1/4 coffee in it, it tastes really yum! hahaha~

UGH, have I done it again?

2006-06-18T21:08:00.000+12:00

Ugh, Have I ruined another friendship already? What am I to do? WHY must I be like this? Why do I have to be goddamned "clingy"? Do I KNOW that my friendship will be short, and I try to do as much as I can in the short time? Or am I just MENTALLY HANDDICAPPED?

Latter sounds more logical.

I'm so annoyed, because everyone keeps telling me that only I can fix the problem, and only I can figure out why I'm like this. But I just can't believe it, because I don't even know how I'm supposed to find out. And I keep relying on everyone else to tell me things about myself, Why do I think I know nothing about myself? So little I can't even figure out why I'm a leech? UGH.

want to disappear... want all this to stop...

The tears fall down my cheeks as I think of the life I could have.

2006-06-18T12:39:00.000+12:00

Last night I had a heart felt text chat with a friend. We were talking about the problems I was feeling between me a couple of friends...

I've concluded that I have a mental illness of some sort.. It makes me crave human contact, touching people, hugging people etc, and it makes me a sort of a leech.

And I've decided to just stop it. To just resist all urges, and hope that they'll eventully go away.

My friend thinks that the hugs are just a part of who I am, but I really do think it's a problem.

Last night I was reading the book Mr. L sent from Canada, about a bi guy going through lots of problems and stuff, I was reading this while texting my friend, so I was crying for both things, It was actual tears. Not just teary eyes, but actual coming out tears to wet the page.

The book made me cry because the I empathise with the main character... Every thing he goes through, I'm going through now, well not all of it, but most, and it made me emotional.

Today I fee alone. My mum is out all day, and my dad said I can do whatever I like, so I wanted a friend to come over. I asked about five people, but no one could come, so today is a computer and TV day. UGH. 'Cause I finished all my homework already, so nothing else to do. *sigh*

Sorry.
2006-06-17T12:50:00.000+12:00
I am a leech. Well, at least that's how I feel.

Definitions of leech on the Web:

* carnivorous or bloodsucking aquatic or terrestrial worms typically having a sucker at each end
* a follower who hangs around a host (without benefit to the host) in hope of gain or advantage
* bleed: draw blood; "In the old days, doctors routinely bled patients as part of the treatment

Wow, I didn't even know it'd come up with that second one, Oh well. I think I'm that. hahaha~. I am really sorry to all of my friends lately, because I have been feeling like a leech, and I guess I should stop. But it's such a natural thing for me to do, and When I don't, I feel weird, and I feel it's really obvious I'm trying not to be soo leechy. hahaha~. I love you all, But I think it's really getting to my head.

Actually I'm getting paranoid about it too. Thinking that people are getting angry at me for things like that, even though they prolly aren't even angry at all... hahaha~..

Uhmm... Sorry again.

Love you all.

This is Life: Through the eyes of Shogun

Attitude problems eh? Wonder why.

2006-06-15T21:25:00.000+12:00

Hah. Mum is currently at work, and dad let me onto the computer for 30 minutes, YAY!

Today I had drama assesment, Yay~ It was actually quite fun. We had a prompt with our script, but I don't think she was payuing attention. I'm sure we mixed up the storyline, and all the lines, and most seemed more like improvisation, which I guess is good because it was really natural.

Straight after I had an HoD detention for Japanese, umm... I think it was for not doing the presentation thingy, but I didn't really care. In the detention I had to write out this page about Rugby, I think I was really the only person who wrote out the whole thing, then started writing it again. I was annoyed because most the people there were really naughty kids, they're so annoying. hahaha~

I actually had a rehersal for West Side when my HoD was on, but I had to go to the detention because if I didn't I'd get a principals' detention. I decided not to tell My drama teacher, but one of my friends to tell her if she asked. Apparnetly she was very angry and I should have told her myself. Hah. I'll apologise tomorrow. hahahaha~.

Being grounded is okay. I feel more relaxed, and less like I have so much to do, hahaha~.

Also because of my report of some teachers saying that I could do better, I've bucked up, and in Chemistry I'm trying hard, and I'm understanding stuff, and in Japanese I've moved places so that no one can distract me.
Actually, about Japanese, today I gave my teacher some homework that I "forgot to hand in last time" and she was surprised because she thought I hadn't done it. But I did. hahahaha~

Yup, my "attitude" is getting better.

GROUNDING = RELAXATION, WAAAAA!!!!

2006-06-15T08:30:00.000+12:00

Hey everyone. (In room 88 at school) Umm... yesterday I had rehersal after school, yup, hahahaha~ When I got home mum informed me that they had gotten my school report.. They were so angry at me because all my teachers said I have potnential to improve... I got two ones (best, 1-5) two twos and three threes. They were angry and said I wasn't trying hard enough in Japanese. They think that because I hate my teacher, that I'm purposely not doing anything, even though the report said I"m doing all the work to pass. They're so stupid sometimes, hahahaha~.

Being grounded is kind of boring. I haven't yelled at my parents, I've stayed perfectly calm, because I don't really care.

Though yesterday on the way home I bought a big bottle of Miranda, and two chocolate bars, and kind of pigged out, I sat on my bed and read a book. So I'm actually feeling less stressed at the moment, and more relaxed. Though I'm feeling really depressed, because once again, I'm feeling lonely. UGH, I'm so pathetically stupid.

Grounded...

2006-06-13T08:13:00.000+12:00

Okay,SoI'm grounded,that's why I didn't post last night. But I'm here in the library at school... hahahah~ Ummm... Here's what happened last night:

So we went to Orewa to film for Mr J's media film, but it was raining, and so none of us wanted to do it. plus it was like, majorly cold. But Jesse really needed to get the footage done, so we all stayed for him. We got Kyle's make-up on and we started filming, but because of rain we had to change locations and then Jesse decided to film the entire film again. So here we were, in the wind and rain, huddling under the shelter at ASB bank, filming some stupid film. Later on when it was about time to go home I texted mum asking to come pick upme and Kyle. I told her we were at ASB. Soon after Jesse decided we needed to move to the Nautalis, to film one more scene,So I text her again saying we were going there. So I was waiting there for ages, then as it was about 5:45pm, mum went past, saw us, and yelled "GET IN THE f***ING CAR!!!" So I went over there and she yelled at me because I wasn't where I said I was, but I was really, soI was confused. But it turned out her phone died, so she left it at home, and she never got the other text, so she grounded me. UGH. So annoying. Oh well, I don'treally care,I enjoyed sitting in my room doing nothing last night.

For dinner we had Fish. Freshly caught fish by my dad... UGH. I don'tlike that and I told my parents I don't. So I didn't eat it. Then my mum wouldn't let me leqave the table until I ate it, so I said fine, and sat there. Then she was all angry at me, and then she ended up letting me go because I wasn'tgoing to eat it, hahahaha~ Ummm... post again in a couple of days, see youu~~

Clothes shopping=funtime

2006-06-11T21:45:00.000+12:00

Well, today was interesting, Actually it makes me feel like I have a split personality.. hahahaha~ Okay, I'll split this post into two parts, What my parents think I did, and what I actually did:

What my parents believe I did:

Woke up by the phone ringing~ Got up, answered it and gave it to my mum, and then I got dressed. Later on, no breakfast later my brother dropped me down in Orewa, to meet up with some friends and we could start fliming for Mr J's Media studies film. After most of the day filming, Mr and Mrs A asked me to join them to watch a movie, but when we got there, there wasn't much we wanted to watch, so we watch Da Vinci Code, even though I've seen it before, but becase it was such a good movie, I enjoyed it anyways. After that we went up to the plaza. I then caught a bus home.

What I actually did:

Woke up quite early in the computer room, and wanted to go back to sleep... Phone rang, gave it to mum, then I quickly got dressed, and set up a mirror where I could see and waited for my hair straightener to warm up. hah. couldn't do it well today because of such a small mirror, hahaha~ so annoying.. After I was done and packing things into my bag, mum walked into the room and almost saw my staightener cooling on the floor, hahaha~ but she didn't. Luckily. No breakfast later, got dropped off in Orewa by brother, then ran to bus stop to meet friends, hahaha~ making me run for nothing... hahaha~ On the bus I saw my brothers car in front, so I was hiding, hahahahaha~. We were off to Auckland City!!! Yay~~~!!! in the city we went to heaps and heaps of clothes shops and shoe shops~ I tried on skinny jeans at just jeans and at jay jays, but the really good quality ones at just jeans were $89 so I didn't buy them! hahahaha~ I had $71 I could spend altogether. So I ended up buying a pair of skinny jeans and a t shirt from jay jays. Me and Mrs A spent forever trying to find the right size t shirt, they all looked so huge, I wanted a S or XS, but they were all L. hahahaha~ We ended up finding an XS, and that's the one I bought. In Jay jays they have these huge piles of clothes, and a sign saying "EVERYTHING UNDER $20" Well, the shirt was exactly $20, and I'm sure everything else was too. The jeans said $49 on the tag, but I got them for $39 for some reason, so I only spent $59. Yay~ hahahaha~. Didn't really buy anything else... food... hahaha~ Took bus home~ so glad parents didn't text asking where I was~

Fun! hahahaha~ Mum and brother, brother's "girl", and Homestay went to Kelly Tarltons, and Skytower (hahahaha~ glad they didn't spot me there!). They had a lot of fun. Me too. Last day in this room <33~~ Yay~.

Night all~

Lonely blahness. hahaha~

2006-06-10T18:46:00.000+12:00

WAAA~ Boring/interesting day.

Spent the morning tidying my room and stuff for our new American Homestay. Had to bring stuff up here to this room, where the spare bed is, where I shall live for the two nights he is here.

In the afternoon Mrs K picked me up and I went with them to film some stuff for their Media Studies film. We went to a chapel thingy in Red Beach and filmed a board scene thingy... But because I have no formal stuff, I had to wear Mrs Bl's trench coat thingy, and tuck Mrs B's scarf in it to make me look profecional. It was quite fun, I had to be all "No! Blahblah, Angry face! WHAA! It's too expencive!! WAAA!!!" hahahaha~ not really. hahahaha~ but it was similar to that.

Then I had to be rushed home beause Mrs H was supposed to come over, but apparently I forgot to tell her to be there at 4, but I seemed to think I did.

Went down to school to get American Homestay. His name is Dylan. hahaha~ Mrs H arrived at my house while we were there, hahaha I felt so sorry for her, she had to sit there and wait...

Arrived home to see her, NEW HAIRCUT! AWESOME SKINNY JEANS, AWESOME HOODIE! I got to try on the hoody, and it looked awesome! Was going to try on the jeans, guess we forgot. hahahaha~ Oh well. I'll buy some tomorrow.

Homestay is coolio. Better than Japanese ones, we can speak English!!! So much easier to communicate!!

Stealing things like an emo.

2006-06-09T22:07:00.000+12:00

Oh crudd, almost forgot to post.

After school went to Orewa with Mr and Mrs A, went got refund on DVD I bought mum, went home.

At lunch time I walked back to class and realised I was still wearing Mrs B's Scarf. Walked home after seeing Mr And Mrs A and realised I was still wearing Mr A's hobo gloves. I STOLED THEM, without realising.

I'M SORRY!!!

It's 10:05PM now, I've been waiting for Mr A to come online. Mrs A left at 9:38PM, fed up with waiting. *sigh*

Too tired now to do anything, so I'm going to go~ BYE

Meh. nussing.

2006-06-08T21:19:00.000+12:00

Okay, Umm... today was a blur... thinking about going furhter with Mrs H.

Filmed at my house after school, Mr A and Mr J came over. it was fun.

Set up more of computer, still have no Japanese or Chinese, annoying~~

Nothing more to say.

I hate chemistry. Die.

BYE~ I love you all~

sigh

2006-06-07T22:19:00.000+12:00

Okay, So brother finally set up computer up here... Don't have a CD drive so there is SOO much I can't do. He also said there was USB2 on here. There isn't. Gah. No language support, and without XP disk, I dunno how to do it~ I'll ask Mrs E or Mr L or something, they downloaded something at it worked...

At the moment I don't have Windows Live Messenger because I don't know where I put the install file, but I have gaim... GAH, I feel frustrated... but I think I'll go to bed soon... So tired... plus I need to tidy my room, just in case one of my friends feels the need to view my room tomorrow...

MUAAAAHHHH HUGGLE ATTACK

2006-06-07T18:53:00.000+12:00

I think it's a bit funny how I seem to have a "tradition" to post here very single day. hahaha~ As if I think it's actually a part of my daily life. Like brushing my teeth, or eating Dinner - It's just something we do.

This morning I left slightly early, I had a dancing rehersal at 8:00AM! Yep, hahaha~ No, I usually arrive at that time anyways, so not such a big feat or anything. Gah, I'm getting annoyed with never having a partner to dance with. We're supposed to have the same person every time to dance with, but every time we have a dnacing rehersal, the person I danced with the time before isn't there. UGH. Oh well, a nice girl danced with me. Yesterday she had to share herself between me and the guy who playes A-rab, Baby John's best friend. Hahahah~

Lunch time was actually a rumble (fight!) rehersal, but only four of us turned up, so she canceled it.

Lunch time Mrs H hanged out with me in Mr Media Studies' teacher's room!! It was so much fun, she gives me hugs all the time, and we sat on eachothers knees, and she bit my neck like a vampire, and all of us were taking photos with Mrs B's camera~ So much fun. I Wuv Ma Friends~

After school Mrs H was going to come to Orewa with me, then come back to my house, but her mum said she couldn't go, so I had to go by myself, I tried to find Mr and Mrs A, and ended up waiting for ages, but I never found them, hahahaha~ I felt so stupid, he prolly didn't even have work tonight!

Still haven't gotten new computer from brother, even though last night he said he'd do it tonight. His reason of not doing it earlier was that he didn't know if I'd backed everything up or not, even though I told him two days ago I'd already done it. GRR YOU.

>_____________________

Die. hahaha~ bye all~

Lalalaaa~

2006-06-06T21:09:00.000+12:00

uhuh. yes. I agree. mhmm. YEESS.

Yep, this is me trying to look like I have something to say. hahaha~ I'm not too good at it, am I?

Hmm... Today was blah. Lunch time was Singing rehersals, High notes for very manly gang members. Then after school first rehersal was dance, then second was the gang dance, which is also prance-a-liciously manly.

Period five I during study class me and Donna went to the deans, I wnated to change a subject, and she wanted to get a leaving form. Have to go back tomorrow period two or three, we're going period three 'cause that's when we have Chemistry, and I hate Chemistry.

On the way back from Singing at lunch, I went past all these kids. All of which proceeded to yell "EMOO!!!" hah. And I thought everyone had gotten over it.

I love you Mrs B, Mr A, Mrs A, And alll the other lovable people out there, yous make me happyyy~~~ ^_______^

Oh, what a boring day.

2006-06-05T17:53:00.000+12:00

hmm... I did nothing today... Yep. Fun filled day. Brother promised to give us our computer this morning. Hah. Still haven't got it. UGH He's so annoying.

I made cookies I was so bored. They're really yummy instant pudding ones, I put chocolate buttons and sultanas in it, YUMMY.

Mrs B Says I shouldn't dye my hair until the holidays, that way my hair is longer and I can cut the back etc. Her, Mr A and Mrs A Should do it for me! WOOOOOO! hahahaha~.

I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. But I guess I should, it would mean the end of this feeling of abandonment, hahahahahahahaha~ OMG, I'm so pathetic.

Oh did I mention that that stupid girl isn't even my brother's girlfriend, she's just some random girl who comes here every day.
Relatives came over yesterday and they asked if he'd been kissing his girlfriend, and he was very angry and said "She's not my girlfriend! She's just a friend.". hah. He's so gay. hahahahahaha~.

Ughh. Die stupid life. die.

2006-06-04T19:59:00.000+12:00

uhm... So today I cried like five times. I wasn't able to continually cry, like, the tears streaming, but I cried.

I did nothing. All. Day.

I was supposed to go out with my friends. Hah. Didn't happen. I don't even know why I bother to ever keep my hopes up, it's not like it's ever going to happen. I give up. I give up on life. I give up on finding someone. I give up on "having a life".

My hair looks grey. I swear in the light it's grey. I want to dye it, so I have to find someone who'll do it for me... Otherwise I'd have to try doing it myself, which I think would be difficult. I don't want my mother to do it, last time she did it, she wrapped glad-wrap around my head.

I'm tired. I want to cry. I want to disapear.

Good news we might be getting our computer up here tomorrow, since I yelled at my parents today for not trying to get it up here earlier. It froze so often I yelled at them. I was so annoyed.

After writing my last post I hid away in my room. I put on Korn real loud. It made me cry. So I desperately tried to see if I could meet up with Mrs N. She was going out and would be home in a minute.

Finally a plan I made that actually happened!! Yep, we went for a walk, then we sat down at a chair in a reserve. We talked, and it calmed me down a lot.

I think I may hav gotten angry at a few people. SORRY!!! Uhmmm... it happens when I'm in a shitty mood. It tends to rub off onto everyone. hahaha~.

I'm still not in the greatest mood in the world. My parents asked me what's wrong, I said I'm tired. I guess I am. But I got a lot of sleep last night. So it's mostly me just being my normal distrought self.

Gah. I've learnt not to trust anyone. I guess I now have to learn not to keep my hopes up, and not to get excited about things.

Dear diary Number Two.

2006-06-04T13:40:00.000+12:00

Why do I even bother making plans? Why do I even bother with weekends? I tell myself I need a break, and I need to spend more time away from my house, and then every single plan I make, falls though.

I know, I'm sorry Mr A for going on about this, but I'm upset.

Yesterday was useless, sitting, waiting around for something to happen, then what was supposed to happen yesterday, was going to happen today, then what was going to happen today is now non-existant. What was going to happen tomorrow may never happen at all. But at least I get to go to Auckland city with people I love next weekend. Unless that falls apart too.

THEN MY FUCKING COMPUTER FREEZES EVERY FIVE FUCKING SECONDS, AND NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. UGGGGH Stupid brother has had the new one in his room for weeks, and my parnets aren't even telling him to hurry up with it. "Oh, we've put up with it for this long.." WELL I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT, YOU FUCKING BASTARDS.

UUUUGGGGHHHH. WHY do I have to be like this? Why do I have to care so much about such stupid trivial things. I mean, so what? I always get rejected, and pushed away, and I always end up sitting at home by myself feeling sorry for myself, It's not like this is the first time. It happens pretty much every weekend.

I want to scream.

DEAR FUCKING DIARY.

2006-06-03T22:10:00.000+12:00

UUUGGGGHHHHHHH. I HATE my life sooo much.

My brother is an evil asshole who thinks I look like an idiot. My parents are just stupid and keep asking people's opinions of me. >___>.

I hate my brother so much. He's a pedifile. His "girlfriend" is 16. UUUGGGGHH. I was thinking "Hmm, I wouldn't go out with a 19 year old guy" then I though that I prolly would. So it's more PC for me to say "Hmm, If I was a 16 year old girl, I wouldn't go out with a 19 year old guy" It's just not right.

UUUGGGHHHH I hate how my face is so UGLY. Girls don't even find me attractive. At least they don't think I'm fat. Oh well. Good thing I don't regularly lift up my shirt for them, then I'd be called fat regularly. How can one person do so much excersize and so much workouts, and NOT lose the fucking fat on their stomach? GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR. My body is undesirable. I have fat thights, they don't go with my legs, it's like someone did lipo sucktion on my legs and forgot my thighs.

I hate how I am able to cry when I see a man trying to buy his small boy a gun, but not when I'm genuinely upset.

I HATE how I get five billion crushes at the same time. I Hate how I can't even tell if they're real crushes or if they're just my brain saying: "Oh, this person is a good friend". TELL ME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE OF A BRAIN, YOU SUCK.

Today I've felt horrible, since my STOOPID brother said that I look like an idiot. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT, FREAK. UGGGHHHH. Make my fucking life shit. Stupid person actually ruined my life, ever since I was little, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SHITFILLED DAY.

Did you know, when I was little I actually conspired to kill him. I was actually trying to find a way to kill him without anyone tracing it back to me. The best way was to poison him. Just put it in his food. He'd get sick, then he'd die. and it could be anyone, mother, father, shop assistant at the supermarket.

THAT'S HOW MUCH HE RUINED ME.

I'm constantly paranoid; constantly nervous, anxious, uncomfortable, ALL BECAUSE OF HIM.

Now, in my stupid life I live, everything is a result of his carelessnes. EVERYTHING I DO, THE WAY I ACT, THE WAY I FEEL, IS A RESULT OF YOUR FUCKING STUFF-UPS.

Can you imagine a childhood filled with name calling, abusing, beating, and other things, EVERY SINGLE DAY?.

Do you wonder why I'm constantly depressed, constantly feeling sorry for myself, and everyone around me? THIS IS WHY.

He BROKE my self esteem. It's actually pretty much non-existant. And I have a tendancy to rub it off on everyone I get close to.

FUCK. STUPID FUCKING DAD. "Shower time Bryce~" FUCK YOU. YOU GO HAVE YOUR FUCKING SHOWER, I'M FUCKING BUSY WRITING MY FUCKING STUPID BLOG.

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I want to disappear. I hate my family commenting on me. I want to try be myself, I want to do the things I want to do, but everytime I do, my brother or my parents do something that make me too scared.

See what it's come to? I'm actually scared of my family. I'm actually too scared to come home. I try to stay in Orewa for as loing as possible after school now, just so I don't have to go home.. Weekends I try to book up with outings so I don't have to stay here. DIE.

Hmf. Today I did nothing. I sat around looking at the TV, and the computer screen. I was going to meet my friend I met on Myspace last night, but I'm going to tomorrow instead, we're going to go shopping, and I'm goig to buy some skinny jeans and some tight t shirts to go with them. SO FUCKING THERE.

FUCK YOUR STUPID NORMALITY. I AM ME. GET USED TO IT.

English teachers are stoopid.

2006-06-02T22:27:00.000+12:00

Okay, Sorry all, for posting so late (oh ma goodness, many complaints).

Today was hectic I suppose. Actually I lie. It was totally un-hectic.

Though in English my stupid teacher said that everyone who did their speeches yesterday failed. I was like O________O because Mine was gooood. He said that everyone was under-timed and that their visual aids sucked because they were all definitions of prejudice. But wait a minute. Mine was over the minimum time limit. And what's this? I had a proper presentation, with real words? WHAT!? Why wasn't my teacher informed of this?

He said that every single person who did them yesterday has to re do them next week. WELL. I am CERTAINLY not going to re-do mine, because that STUPID fucking speech caused me a lot of grief.

I went to him after class, and he said he didn't fail me. He gave me "barely achieved" Which means that he's a sucky teacher who hates me, gave his opinion, and instead of giving me a straight achieved or merit or whatever, he refuses to believe that anyone could do any good, and says it was barely achieved.

Anyways, so I passed. And I don't have to re-do mine. But he says after it's moderated the mark may go down, and he wants me to do it again. I won't.

He seemed to think that I thought that because my presentation was long, that I deserved a better mark. He's so pathetically stupid. I told him that I did a good presentation, and I knew what I was talking about, so I should pass. STOOPID MAN.

Well, that was English.

rest of the day was a bluuur. yep. ummm... Study was fun. I did nothing. I was a little hyper. I guess this tiny shimmer of happiness made a small mark in my brain. hahaha~.

Oh, here are some photos from the two days we had filming in orewa for media studies, bad quality due to my phone I'm afraid:

Scrach that, photobucket under maintanence, hahahaha~ Should have done it before~ Oh well. Will post tomorrow.

I'm doing nothing all weekend (hint hint). I'll be bored. And alone. (hint hint x2)

Mrs I asked if I wanted to go to Auckland with them to see Ice Age 2. I said I didn't have to if they didn't really want me to. She said that It would probably be best if I didn't, because Mrs BK kind of has a problem with me, and there was another reason, but I forgot. Oh, because apparently I'm depressed. Anyways, I said it was fine and I understood. I said thanks so much for asking me, because if she didn't I would have felt sad, and left out. She said thanks for understanding.

Mrs A may dye my hair on Monday. I still have to buy some dye for that... I dunno if I should do it so soon though... maybe a couple more weeks. I'll think about it.

UUGGGHHH I had something else to rant on about, but I forgot. Oh well. Best leave it as this then. See you. Have a nice night.

GAHHH day. yep. LISTEN TO ME FOR LONG TIME ABOUT BORING.

2006-06-01T21:08:00.000+12:00

Muahaaa~ Annoying day was today. All the way to school I was listening to me say my speech for English over and over and over again. really nurvous about that, period three... scary...

Period one was Japanese and I had a speech due. Didn't do it, and didn't give a shit. I mocked the teacher and said "Undone homework".

Period two, chemistry, we had to hand in homework, a practice test I hadn't even looked at. Didn't hand it in. Then we had the real test, which was actually the practice test for the end of the year. OMG, I didn't know ANYTHING. made me really wonder why I'm still in that stupid class. Tomorrow, someone please come with me to the deans so I can REMOVE THE FUCKING ASSHOLE OF A SUBJECT.

Morning tea I did like, no practice or anything. I was so stupid. hahaha~

Period three. and you know what? MY NAME WAS NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST. O_________O
I was shit scared. I asked the teacher if he had a floppy drive, and he got all angry at me: "I told the whole class that I didn't have a floppy drive~ I told them I didn 't have one!!" Goddamnit, kill me while you're at it.
Gah~ So He went off for ages, then came back with someones flash drive from the year 13 class nextdoor. I don't understand why he wouldn't have a floppy drive... hahahaha~

I had to go to the library and put it on that and come back, first computer=USB SHIT!. second computer=FLOPPY DRIVE SHIT! third computer lucky. done. back to class. I was third, and it made me feel horrid that the two people before me were both one minute something.

Went up there, and put it in, and clicked the buttons and then I started talking. At first I was really reading the paper, so I flipped it over, and I went on talking, press button every few minutes, and go on talking. I had a powerpoint presentation as my que cards, so it was a lot of slides. Like 16 or something.

Anyways... I stood there figitting, and not pointing or gesturing, and talking to them about shite prejudice for eight minutes... hahahaha~ it was sooo boring... hahahaha~ they didn't fall asleep!!! But I was really happy when I saw Mrs A listening attentively. Anbd I got panicy when I saw people looking at their phones... hahahaha~.

After that was Drama, I had to eat my lunch in between the classes because of rehersal straight after.

Rehersal we did fighting again, quite fun I guess, but 'm really uncomfortable with doing it.... I really don't want to...

YEP.

After school I went to Orewa with Lisette. We had Sushi, and I bought my magazines from Paper Plus. And we saw Mr and Mrs A, so I hugged them both ^____^.

I heard the song Scars by Papa Roach on the way home and it made me happy and I was smiling.

Though right now I'm really really tired and I want to die. Muaaaaahhh~~~

Grr.

2006-05-31T16:56:00.000+12:00

I really don't want to go to school tomorrow... Or Friday for that matter. But, I think I feel like if I do, I'll be letting lots of people down somehow.

Everything is getting so much on top of me that I feel like I'm going crazy.

This morning my Stupid English teacher got me freaked out, he said to me: "Don't forget you have an assesment first period" and I said Okay. We had organised with our maths teachers that we'd take the maths assesment first period. My English teacher wasn't meaning Maths. He was meaning English. I didn't even know I had English today, let alone the assment first period. UGGGHHH. Stupid man. >___>. Later on Alex told me that we didn't even start doing them today, OMG, he's so annoying, I'm so glad I didn't go, there were prolly heaps of people doing Media Studies, so they wouldn't have been there either. He made me worry for ages thinking that He'd get all mad at me for not being there.

Back to maths. Didn't study. Looked at the test and thought: 'OMG, I don't remember ANY of this.' So I guessed. BLAH.

Filmed all day, I took loads of photos of Kyle as a mime. hahahaha~ ummm... I'll upload them later if I have time.

Walked home slowly, I don't want to be here. I want to disappear.

I got home, and I didn't even unlock the door. I just sat there. *sigh*

Gardigah. Yes. I agree.

2006-05-30T19:03:00.000+12:00

Today was supposedly fun. I arrived at 8, dressed in my awesome full-blackness, and I retrieved a camera for all of us to use. Others began to arrive about 8:15.

My group filmed some of our starting scenes, then there wasn't much else we could do, until fourth period when we'd be using Mr Media Studies teachers' room; So we went and halped other people with their film. It was really fun, we got to stand in a line... and do other fun stuff. ALL DAY. We had fish and chips for lunch (ewww~) and because I had no money, Kyle bought me a drink, and I stole chips from everyone, even though I hate them. Then after Kyle bought another burger and couldn't eat it all, he gave the rest to me.

When period four came, we went to the room and tried to organise some stuff, but figured we couldn't do the shots without lots of people in the class, so we decided to do it at lunch. When lunch came, and we rounded people, Mr Media Studies Teacher got angry and said we can't do it then. So we were stuffed, and we have to do it tomorrow.

All day today I've been feeling horribly horrid. I'm sorry Mr A, and everyone else for being so fucking stupid. UHHH. I hate being like this. I got to hug Mr A, but it wasn't how I wanted to hug him, I wanted to slip my arms under his and hug him for a long while, but I couldn't do that to him. I decided, since punching my hands did almost nothing, to punch my stomach very hard to stop my "little urges". It worked. So I kept doing it every time I got an "urge" to 'embrace' someone. I know I have all these people here for me, and so many in my life... Yet I still feel as if I have no one...

I hate you.

2006-05-29T19:04:00.000+12:00

Omg, my brother is evil!!

conversationa t the dinner table before parents sit down

HM: Are you going to keep your hair black?
ME: Yeah... Why..?
HM: Because it looks gay...
ME: ... Meh.. I think it looks fine.. [Wrong answer obviously]
HM: heh. You probably are gay.
Me: No. *evils*

I hate him so much. I want out of this stupid house.

All those years of him calling me gay, and then he didn't, So why suddenly start doing it again? Why put me though the same torture all over again?

horrid day.

2006-05-29T17:20:00.000+12:00

Heh.. Felt like shit all day (what day DON'T I feel like shit?)..

Mixture of sadness and anger.

Refused to speak to Kyle today, Sat away from him, and did not converse with him.

Didn't do the Japanese presentation at assembly this morning, because we didn't get a computer, and blah.

At lunch time I went to visit someone, and Kyle was there, then Mr. J came up to me, and said "Bryce, Are you bisexual? Ben just told me you are..." and I said "what!? Who told Ben!?" then I looked around, saw Kyle sitting on the ground, and I kicked him. Hard. Then I kicked him again. I would have kicked him again, and punched him in the face, if not for my friends restraining me.

I hate him.

Hah, You know what I learnt today? I learnt who my true friends are:

Mrs. E & Mrs. Al, for saying that they accept me, and for restrainging me from killing Kyle.
Mr. A, for telling those stupid people talking about me in some class to shut up.
I was told by Mrs BK: Some people in her geography class were talking about me, someone said that I'm gay, then some girl said loudly "No! He's Bi!".
Mr. A told them (dunno if same time), he even told me the name of the girl who said that, and I don't even know who she is, if they would like other people to talk about them that way, they said no, and so he said shut up.

You know, all day, amongst all this anger, I was overcome by emmense lonliness... Twice in drama I wanted to hug Mr. A, and I had to stop myself. I make myself so angry.

Thank you so much to my friends, there are other people who are my friends like Mrs B who reads my blog, thank you, and the other year 13 friends, and Mrs K, SM, A, and Y.

Stupid parenting people.

2006-05-28T20:26:00.000+12:00

okay, so I pretty much SHOWed my parents my eyes just then. hahahahaha~~ they're so funny, they got SO angry, My mum demanded to know what kind of people I was hanging out with now, and I said the same people I've alays hung out with, and she didn't believe me, and she's like "YOU'RE A BOY! BOYS DON'T WEAR MAKEUP!!" And my dad's like "I don't ever want to see you wearing make up ever again!" I said "whatever..." and he's like "Don't speak to me like that!" MUAAHH, it's my face. It's not like my friends are all punk stoners.

I can't believe what a big deal they have to make over eyeliner~. Wow, definately not telling them I straighten my hair too. THIS is why I don't like telling my parents anything.

PROOCRASTINAYSHOOONN.

2006-05-28T20:10:00.000+12:00

Wow, today was a big fat PROCRASTINATION day. I did nothing all morning, as I was waiting for Mrs. N to wake up, and she did at about 12:30. As it turns out, she didn't get to bed until about 8:00AM. Oh well. At about 1:00 I left here to her house, wearing my EYELINER!! WOOOO!! ( http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/55e93272.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v617/Yamaguchi_Shogun/1912c00c.jpg )

And her dad dropped uas off outsied the movies... we went in and figured that we wanted to see Da Vinci Code.

Went up to the plaza, looked around, got some pringles and a drink, went back to the movies, I bought both our tickets, then we watched the movie. Two guys were looking at me in the theatre, hahahaha~.

The movie was looonngg.. But it was good I guess. Mrs N liked it a lot.

After that we went back up to the plaza, I had tog et something for my mum's birthday next weekend. And we got Chinese for lunch (at about 6:00PM)

At about 6:45 (caught the bus home) as we were walking down the streen, that's when my mum decides to text me to find out where I am. I get home and they stress at me, and I told them I told them I was going out. Yep.

They still haven't noticed my eyeliner, I think it's funny since they've looked at my like five times already, though not for long, must have been really bad glances.

Still have heaps of homework left to do, so I'll get off the net soon.

I hate this feeling.

2006-05-27T18:31:00.000+12:00

Tpday I didn't do anything... I watched TV, talked on MSN, pretty much procrastinated the whole time... I did get to do my English slide show, without pictures etc. and I opened a new slideshow for japanese but didn't do anything... brought up my books to do media studies, but still haven't done anything...

When Mrs N comes home I'm going for a walk with her, I need human contact..

cry

2006-05-27T15:27:00.000+12:00

Why do I even bother trusting people?

Every single time I think I trust someone I tell them something, then they go off and tell other people.

KYLE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, I HATE YOUR FUCKING FACE.

I was talking to a Mr M P. As it turns out, he was told of my biness a while back. He was told by an unnamed person. Though when he was told, apparently a lot of other people knew already. He was also told by the unnamed person that I WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW. Hah. When I was told a while back that Mr M P knew, I didn't want ANYONE to know, at all.

SOMEONE had been spreading around these stupid little things.

We've tracked it back to KYLE. The stupid fucking ASSHOLE has been telling everyone.

YOU ARE A FUCKING DICK. You may have ruined my life. Well my life at the moment that is.

AND YOU WONDER WHY I'M SO FUCKING DEPRESSED.

You do realise my sence of trust is going to be munted for like, the rest of my life now? TWO PEOPLE HAVE DONE THIS TO ME.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

:'(

>________> ... :@

2006-05-27T14:37:00.000+12:00

I hate how I feel so alone, so often...
I feel like shit. All the time.
I need someone to cry on, somone to help me through.
But there isn't anyone.
If there's someone I need to talk to. They're busy, or unavailable. So I have to sit. By myself. Alone. Drenched in my own self-pity.
As I'm typing this, my eyes go fuzzy. And yet I still don't actually cry.
CRY GODAMNIT CRY.

I just want someone to spend lots of time with me. I want someone to be able to be there for me anytime.

Hah. reading this makes me think even more that I have ADD.
I'm constantly needing attention. Constantly needing human contact, constantly seeking someone I can touch.

Am I still alive? Or did I die a long time ago, and I'm just re-living my sad, and lonely life, over and over?

I feel like I'm dead.

Unable to express anything.
Unable to know whether what I'm feeling is what I think it is.

Am I so desprate for attention that whoever talks to me most, I start to think I like them in that way? Am I so desperate that I want them to feel like that towards me?

I don't even know!

I don't know anything.

Lately I've been saying I'm stupid a lot.

I guess it's because there is so much about myself I don't even know. I think I'm lonely, but is that even the emotion I'm feeling?
I want to cry, but it's not coming out. Does that mean I'm not even sad? Does that mean that what I think is happening in my life, isn't even happening?

I suck.

this one's for yesterday.

2006-05-27T10:39:00.000+12:00

This is for yesterday:

Didn't do anything interesting. Got home from school and new computer here. Brother is still setting it up though I think.

Tried eyeliner~~ I had to keep taking it off and trying again and again, but I got it in the end. I only did the bottom of my eye, I'm still trying to decided that when I do it if I should do the top too or not. Mr A doesn't do the top...

I tranfered all of my stuff to my MP3 player, so it would be quicker when transfering everything to the new computer.

Hoping today to go out somewhere with someone...

>________________>

2006-05-25T17:27:00.000+12:00

Uhh, today, two guys went out of their way to hit me with their sholdours as they went past me, muttering "emo" as they walked past. >________> The annoying thing is that I really like my hair like this, and I can't wait until the fringe gets longer....

Hayley gave me eyeliner, WOOOOOOOO! prepare for awesomeness pictures~ prolly on Saturday!.

You know, one of my friends "hates" me because I don't hang out with them as much as I used to.
She says it's because I dyed my hair.
And my other friend thinks it's because she has a problem with me being bi.
She's religious, and I never even thought that might be it. She always tells everyone to shut up whenever we talk about stuff like that...

Mehhh, feel depressed today...

EMO!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-24T20:57:00.000+12:00

I guess I just have to get used to it. hahaha~ It sometimes gets annoying though, I was in a mid conversation with someone, then I suddenly hear "EMO!!!!!!!" And I got disrupted, because I knew they were meaning me. Everywhere in the school I go, people are like "Look at him... *point*" and then I see everyone's heads turning. I get randome people walking past and saying "Emo..". I get little kids coming up to me and asking "Are you emo?". Of course, rule number one of being emo is to not admit to being emo, because that's a stereotype, and I (and emos too) don't believe in stereotyping, it's just not right, and to strerotype a person into emo, to these people is probably a mean thing, because they think all emos are suicidal, and want to kill everyone, and slit their wrists, and cry 24/7.

Okay, meh day. Lion Business thingy on for three days so lots and lots of people not in class, because they're in that buisiness thingy. hahaha~.

After school went with Mr and Mrs A into orewa, I bought some straightening syrum stuff for my hair because apparently the colour in my fringe is fading because I keep straightening it.

Mr A's mum took me home because she was going to Mrs A's house to see if Mr A left his keys there... Thank you~~~~ I love you guys *HUG*

Oh, dad bought a new computer apparently, one that's better than this one, so I'm going to have to put all my files on my MP3 player, and put them back onto the new one, which is arriving in the mail sometime, I don't know when.